September When
by ThornfallsHorizon
Summary: Ranger is going through a hard time, and Stephanie is there to stand by his side. But fate has more in store for them. Will they be able to come through it? Read and Review pretty please! Severe Morelli bashing! Not for Cupcakes.
1. Hold my hand 1

_A/N: I'm just gonna start out with something short for now. __Maybe in the future I'll post some longer stuff, but for now; please enjoy the quickies and review!!! ;)_

_Oh, and ya'll know the usual stuff. They're not mine ___

_OBS! Not very friendly towards Joe…_

**Septe****mber When**

Yet again I was stuck at a stakeout. It's not exactly my idea of a good time, but the cash was good, and I sure needed cash. Plus I got to spend several hours in the same car with a super-hot man, so it's not exactly bad either, except for the whole "you can look, but not touch" principle. I really wouldn't mind touching.

"Maybe we can arrange something for later, babe. Right now we got to keep an eye on the bar".

Fuck. I felt my face flame up and shrunk low in my seat. From the corner of my eye I saw Ranger picking up the binoculars and peek out the window, trying to hide his smug grin.

"I might be going out of town for a few days", Ranger said after a couple of minutes. I turned my head and looked at him. This was unusual. Normally I would hear from Connie or maybe Tank when he was going into the wind, he rarely told me himself.

"Ok," I said, lacking a better answer.

"If something comes up you call Tank".

When I didn't answer he turned and looked at me. All traces of the grin he'd worn just a minute ago were gone, and a serious, strict look had replaced it.

I reached out my hand and touched his arm, "Is something wrong?"

He took my hand, bringing it up to his lips and brushed a soft kiss over my knuckles. His other hand moved to the base of my neck bringing me closer to him. He placed another kiss on my forehead, before resting his against mine. "It's just something I have to deal with," he whispered softly.

He was looking into my eyes, and his eyes were filled with compassion, sorrow and something else I couldn't quite place. We stayed like that, our foreheads touching, looking into each others eyes, for what felt like hours, although it couldn't have been more than just a few seconds. Everything outside the car had disappeared; the only thing that existed was the two us. "When do you have to go?" I asked softly.

"In the morning," came his soft reply.

"Stay with me tonight?" I had no idea why I just asked him of that. It was not unusual for him to go away on short notice for an unknown number of days. But something in the air told me that this time it was different. His whole demeanour was shrieking that something was wrong. I felt a compelling need to comfort him, be there for him. He nodded and pulled away for me. As he started backing out of the lot I remembered the outside world again.

"What about the skip?" I asked.

"Lester and Bobby have replaced us" he said, pointing over to a black SUV parked a few cars behind us.

"Oh". That's me, ever so eloquent. Ranger reached over the consol and grabbed my hand. He gave it a little squeeze before he placed our combined hands on his thigh. I spent the ride back to my apartment studying Ranger. I hadn't noticed earlier in the evening, but he wasn't looking too good. The corners of his eyes were crinkled, he looked tired and pale. He was trying to keep his blank mask, but every now and then it would slip a little, and when it did he looked distraught. That more than anything, worried me a lot.

He parked the car and looked over at me. He gave me a small smile before he got out and in a flash he was by my side and holding the car door for me. He slung his arm around my shoulder as we walked up to my building, and even took the elevator with me.

"Do you want a bottle of water?" I asked when we entered my apartment. He shook his head. "I'm just going to grab one for me then, I'll be right back". I went into the kitchen and over to the fridge. I opened it and bent down, searching it for something good. I was wondering about a beer when I felt to hands slide around my waist. I jerked up right and slammed into Ranger. "Babe," he said, and tightened his grip around me, bringing me closer. He buried his face in my neck and breathed me in. "I wish I could just stay here," he mumbled.

"Then do," I answered back as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"I wish," he whispered again with a shudder. I turned in his arms and brought my arms around his waist, holding him to me.

"You want to tell me what's wrong? You can tell me anything you know," I said softly. He tightened his hold on me even more; it was like he was afraid I would slip out of his arms. Then he kissed my temple and whispered softly, "My mother died today".

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone who just lost their mother? Is there anything you can say? I stepped back from our embrace far enough so I could get my hand up and cup his face. I let my thumb stroke his cheek as I looked into his eyes. They were filled with sorrow and grief, and I would have given anything to take away his pain. Instead I did the only thing I could think of, I tipped up on my toes and gave him a soft, comforting kiss. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.

He gave a slight nod and was about to say something else when a voice boomed "What the hell is going on in here?"

I looked toward the entrance to the kitchen and saw Morelli. Fuck.

I kissed Ranger on his cheek, "I'm sorry, will you sit on a couch for a second? I'm just going to have a quick chat with Joe, ok?" He nodded and went into the living room.

"What the hell was that Stephanie? How long has this been going on?" Morelli started shouting and waving his arms.

"Joe, please don't start. It's not what it seems like at all."

"What it seems like? Do you know what that looked like? It looked like _he_ was your fucking boyfriend. And there's nothing wrong with that picture, except for the fact that it supposed to me who's your boyfriend. Or do you have two? How fucking long have you been at this?"

For the sake of Ranger I was trying not to blow up, but Joe was making it pretty damn hard. "Lower you voice, please. Last time I checked you were my boyfriend, and Ranger was just my friend, a friend who right now is going to a very rough time, and who needs me. There's nothing more to it than that."

"You kiss all your friends like that Steph? Are going to give him some comfort sex too?" He walked up to me and grabbed the front of my shirt, bringing me up to his face, "You're my girlfriend, and I don't fucking want you throwing yourself on other men!" Then he pushed me hard against the counter. I lost my balance and fell to the floor. On my way down I got caught on the knobs of the kitchen drawers, and they left a nice rift that hurt like hell.

"Step away from her, Morelli," came Rangers voice from the doorway.

"You stay the hell out of this, Mañoso" Joe replied in a deadly low voice. In the blink of an eye Ranger had pushed Joe up against the wall and was pointing a gun at Morelli. "Get the hell out of here, before I fucking shoot you." Ranger's voice was low and dangerous. He was staring Joe straight in the eyes, and if looks could kill then Joe would have been dead and buried by now. Joe on the other hand, didn't seem to notice.

"Are you threatening a police officer, Mañoso? Sure that's a good idea?"

"I don't make threats. Only promises," was Ranger's cold reply. Joe shot a look my way before his eyes settled on Rangers again. After a minute he nodded, and Ranger let him go. "This is not over, Steph", he said.

"I think it is, Joe" I said from my place on the floor. Joe looked like he wanted to say something else, but after one look at Ranger he walked out, slamming the door.

"I'm so sorry Ranger. I know this was not what you needed." I said trying to get up from the floor without wincing. Of course, Ranger noticed right away.

"Let me see your back", he said, moving towards me.

"That's not necessary…" I started to say, but he had already lifted my shirt and had me standing in my bra as he inspected my back.

"God damn motherfucker" I heard him mumbled as he took in the sight of my back. "Go lie on the bed Babe, I got a salve I want to put on this so it'll heal faster". I nodded and moved into the bedroom and lied down on the bed on my stomach. I knew better than to argue with Ranger when it came to these things. A moment later I felt the bed dip and then my bra popped open. "What …"

"Better access babe," I could hear the smile in his voice and didn't comment it further. At least he was smiling. I hissed as he began to put on the salve. It stung like a bitch. "Sorry babe, but it'll be better after". I nodded and put my fist in my mouth. He finished putting on the salve and kissed my shoulder. "I should get going" he said.

"Now?" I asked.

"Yea" he answered.

I turned my head and looked at him, "Sure you can't stay the night?" He nodded. "Take me with you?" He just looked at me. "Why?" he finally asked.

"Because I love you and I want to be there for you" I answered, my gaze never wavering from his. It was amazing that I manage to stay calm. I had just told the man I loved him. The man who has made it perfectly clear that there could never be a future between us and therefore probably didn't want me blabbering love confessions. He raised his hand and placed it on my cheek, then leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss.

"I love you too. It would help me a lot if you were there." He answered softly. My face broke into a smile and a small one appeared on his too. "Give me a sec. to pack and I'll be ready to go" I told him.

"No, stay. You should let the salve get to work on your back before you move. I'll pack the necessary." He said, moving out of the bed. I simply nodded.

*

I must have nodded off, because next time I woke I was sitting in Rangers lap, in something I would describe as a private plane. That jerked me up into an upright position.

"Relax Babe" Ranger said, and started rubbing circles up and down my arm. "How's your back?"

I wiggled around a little to get a feel of my back. "Not to bad, it's sore and stings a little, but much better than I expected it to be". He nodded, satisfied with the answer. "Try to get some more sleep Babe. It's a long flight, and it's still night time" he said.

"No can do" I answered. "I have to stay awake and make sure we stay in the air". Ranger gave a faint smile and tugged on a curl, before he turned away, staring out into space. The rest of the flight we spent in silence, with him just holding me.

*

"When's the funeral?" I could hear someone asking somewhere in the house.

We had arrived at Ranger's grandparent's home in Miami and his whole family had gathered there. From the conversations fleeting around, I learned that Juanita, Ranger's mother, had died from leukaemia at an age of 51. Her body was brought down to Miami because it had always felt more like home than Newark ever did. Most of the conversations happened in Spanish, but sometimes they drifted over to English, and I ended up snapping up some information. No one really talked to me, but I didn't expect them to. They were here to grief and share their sorrow with the rest of the family. Not chitchat with me. I stayed close to Ranger the whole time, and we were always physically touching each other in one way or another. When it started getting late, most of the house had mostly emptied. Those who were left were Ranger's father, grandparents, him and me.

"It'll be a long day tomorrow. I guess we should try and get some sleep" Ranger's father, Carlos, said. He stood in the middle of the living room, looking like a lost child, not sure what to do next. Ranger moved from where he had been holding me, and embraced his father. As he did his grandmother guided me to the kitchen.

"Let's give them some privacy" she said. When we got to the kitchen she motioned for me to sit. "It's good you're here. It means a lot for Carlito".

"Ranger?" I asked, not quite sure who Carlito would be. She nodded.

"You need to stay close to him. He needs the love of his life now more than ever," she said, looking at me knowingly. I was not about to argue with this woman, so I simply nodded. I reached out my hand and touched hers.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." She covered my hand with her other, and gave me a sad smile. "Thank you" she said. Two arms came around me from behind and a kiss settled at the base of my neck. "You ready to go to bed?" Ranger asked me. I nodded and gave a small smile. We said good night to Ranger's grandparents and went off up to the second storey.

We entered a room that looked nearly the way I expected. It was decorated in the same fashion as the rest of the house but here and there was some details that said that a teenage boy had lived here.

"It used to be my room when I lived here for awhile" Ranger said. I nodded and smiled. Seemed like I had been doing that a lot today, but words didn't seem to matter much today. Presence and action spoke a lot more. We took turns in the bathroom and slipped into bed. Ranger took a look at my back before letting me settle down, and applied some more of the salve. It was healing nicely, but Ranger still uttered some creative words of Morelli's fate.

"Promise you won't do anything to Joe. He didn't mean to do this, he was just shook up" I asked as we settled for the night.

"Are you defending him? Has he ever done anything like this before?" I could see Ranger was getting worked up, and that was the last thing he needed right now.

"No, I'm not. It wasn't right of him to do it, but he has never done anything like that before and it will never happen again. If you really want to punish him for doing this, than just imagine how bad it stings for him that I'm here with you, and not with him." When he didn't say anything I placed a soft kiss on his lips and laid my head on his chest.

"How are you holding up?" I asked.

"Good I guess, considering the circumstances. I'm more worried about my father." He answered. I nodded. No one had looked too good today, but his father had been out of it all day, and I was seriously worried for him myself. "I'm afraid he's not going to make it through this".

"Don't think like that. This is hard on all of you, but I believe you will make it through this. Just from today I learned something amazing about your family, and that is that you all care immensely about each other and you will not stand by and let one of your loved ones crumble. Your father will be surrounded by the love and support of the entire family, and that will help him through this horrible time. Same way it will help all of you."

Ranger placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head so he could look me in the eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. Then he leaned down and kissed me softly. "Thank you for coming here with me. I don't know what I would have done with out you here tonight. I truly love you Stephanie" he told me.

"I love you too."

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading, I really hope you liked it. Please Oh Please review! It will keep me writing ;) **


	2. Hold my hand 2

_A/N: thank you for all the reviews. __Here's the next chapter, and I hope y'all like it this one as well! : ) (Their still not mine)_

**September When**

_Chapter 2_

Ranger shocked me by staying in bed until 9 am that morning. I woke when he crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom. When he came back out he was wearing a towel, riding low on his hips and his torso was decorated with little drops of water. I tried to drag my eyes up to his face, but found it incredibly hard.

"You in the "no-sugar" faze again, Babe?" He chuckled.

"No," I answered with a blush and slipped past by him into the bathroom, or tried to anyway. Ranger slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him.

"Good morning," he said and kissed me softly.

"Good morning," I replied, slightly dazed.

"I'll get dressed and head down to help Abuela. You can get a shower if you want to; the towels are under the sink. Just come down when you're done. We'll be in the kitchen," he told before giving me a quick hug and a slight push towards the bathroom.

When I entered the bathroom I went to the mirror to get a look at my back, and gasped at the sight. Knob hadn't just made a rift; it had made a small, but very long cut. It looked like it hurt like hell, funny thing was though, I could barely feel it. I sent thousands of thank you prayers to whoever that had had mercy on me, for Ranger little salve. It seemed like it really had done its job.

After a quick shower I emerged from the bathroom, and went in search of something to wear. I found my dufflebag on the floor by door, and went to inspect it. It seemed like Ranger had done a good job in picking out my clothes. He had packed normal everyday clothes, something a little dressier and also managed to pack the right make-up and hair products. I didn't know if I should be impressed or worried, though the worry that had cautiously been planted in my mind disappeared when I found my underwear. He had only picked the sexiest lingerie that I owned. What can I say? Boys will be boys.

I got dressed and had just finished doing the make-up and hair thing when my phone started to ring. I went into the bedroom and found my cell lying on the nightstand. I was about to pick it up, when I saw who was calling. Joe. I took a step back. I didn't think I'm ready to deal with this now. I could just imagine what he was calling to say. The phone stopped ringing, but it only took seconds before it started again. The process repeated itself at least five times. Joe must really be going crazy.

After a couple of minutes the ringing stopped. I dared a step forward and checked the readout. I had 20 missed calls, and all of had been this morning. Most of them were from Joe. Mom, Lula, Mary Lou and Angie had left a message as well. I was really hoping that I could ignore what had happened yesterday with Joe, and therefore pretend that I didn't have 20 missed calls and a bunch of messages, but the call from Angie had me worried. She normally didn't call me, and when she did it usually was something special. To be able to hear Angie's message, I had to run through all the others. I couldn't avoid hearing a bit or two from Morelli's or mom's messages.

I took a deep breath, trying to muster some courage, and picked up my phone. The first message was from Joe.

"I'm so sorry Cupcake. I don't know what came over me. I overreacted, clearly. I never wanted to hurt you, you know that. You the only woman for me, I love you so much. How could I ever want to hurt you? Please forgive me Cupcake. Please call me back. I love you."

Not sure what to think about that one. He sounded sincere, but I didn't quite buy it. The next message was from Joe again.

"Okay, so I'm guessing you didn't get my first message. But please, as soon as you get this, call me. We really have to talk. Love you."

Third was from Joe.

"Where the hell are you Steph? It's 8 am and you're not at your apartment. I just went to check. You didn't go home with _him_ did you? Tell me you have more wits than _that!!_"

Fourth was from my mom.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! Where are you? And what have you done to poor Joe? He came here this morning looking an awfully distraught. He said that when he came by your apartment last night to have a romantic evening with you, he found you kissing another man! What is the matter with you? How could you do something like that to poor Joe? You better come back out from where ever you're hiding and beg for Joe to forgive you; otherwise you will never get married! …" And on and on it went. I couldn't believe that Joe had gone to my parents and told them everything, and leaving him as the poor victim. I bet my ass he never mentioned the part where he pushed me.

The rest of Joes messages went hot and cold between wanting to kill me and calling me bad names to apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Honestly it was creeping me out. I started skipping the messages, not wanting at all to hear anymore of them. I finally reached Angie's message, and was shocked when I again heard Joe's voice.

"Stephanie, I know that you're in Miami with Mañoso right now. I know that you left with him after last night. But I want you to know that I love you very much, and I will forgive you for running away with him. You know why? Because we are destined for each other. I know that you're not ready to marry and settle down yet, but I know that somewhere in the near future, you will be, and I know that I will be the one you choose to marry. This fling you're having with Mañoso will never last, you heart belongs to me, as my heart belongs to you. I know that, and therefore I will forgive you for this escapade you're having with him. This doesn't mean that I'm not furious with you and don't want to strangle you right now, because I do. But I love you, and eventually I will forgive you. How could I not? You are the woman who is meant to bare my children. I love you. Call me when you get this message. I really want to talk to you."

I stood still for several moments. I didn't know what to make off Joe's message. My spidey sense had gone off in the middle of the message, and I was scared. I never thought I'd be scared of Joe, but now I was. He had visited my parents, and dished out a story about my infidelity, then seeked out my niece to burrow her phone and call me. It reeked of manipulation. I wondered who else he had visited. I really hoped he hadn't been to RangeMan or talked to any of the Merry Men. Then Ranger would get to know about it, and I did not want him to have to deal with this on top of everything else. Right now I wanted to be there for him as support, not worry me and become a burden. I decided to do what I did best, and shut of the phone and pretended I hadn't gotten any messages. Denial sure was a beautiful invention.

After hiding my phone under the mattresses I went downstairs in search of Ranger. I found him in the kitchen with his grandparents and father. As I entered his father was the first to notice me. He got up and poured a new cup of coffee, and then walked over to me. He looked as if he wanted to say something to me, but instead he handed me the cup of coffee, and then carried on into the living room. I looked up and met Rangers eyes. He looked devastated and my heart ached for him. I moved across the room and put my arms around his waist. His arms encircled me and he dropped a kiss on my head.

"So what's going to happen today?" I asked him.

"I have to go downtown and make arrangements," he answered.

I nodded. "When do we go?" I asked.

He lifted my chin so he could see my eyes. After a moment he gave a small smile and kissed me softly. "Half an hour," he answered.

"Kay, I'm just going to grab a bite, and then I'm ready," I said.

"I'll be in the office making some phone calls", and off he went.

*

Several hours later we were in his car, making our way back. The day had gone by slowly and had been pure torture, for both him and me. Ranger had entered his business-mode and acted calm and unaffected, but I knew him and I could see how trouble he really was, how much it took of him to try and stay in control. He held my hand most of the time, and every now and then he would squeeze it hard, as if to make sure I was there, or to absorb the strength he was lacking at the moment. It was breaking my heart, seeing him like this.

"Have you heard anything from Joe?" he asked, bringing me out of my stupor. Shit, I had hoped he would forget Joe. I really did not want him to know of the messages that Joe had left on my cell, but I did not feel comfortable with lying to Ranger.

"Babe?" he asked when I didn't answer. We were now sitting in front of the house and I was still having a hard time deciding what to do. Just then Rangers grandma stepped out on the front steps. Saved by the bells, I thought.

"Your grandma seems to be waiting on us," I said hastily and got out of the car.

"Come quick Carlito. Carlos is going mad!" she shouted desperately.

Ranger sprinted in to the house. I followed after him and was shocked when I came into the living room. The TV was crushed and the table was turned over. There was shattered glass and china on the floor. In the middle of the room stood Rangers father yelling and waving his hands at another man who was sitting surprisingly calm on the couch. Ranger's father was yelling in Spanish so I couldn't make much out of his words, but it didn't take a scientist to make out that he was beyond pissed. Ranger grab hold of his shoulders and talked soothingly in Spanish to him, and he seemed to calm down. Then the man on the couch piped up, and he must have said something terrible, because in a flash Ranger was over him, bashing his face in.

Ranger's grandmother gasped and started yelling at Ranger, most likely telling him to stop, and Rangers father was yelling and waving his fist, most likely waiting for a moment to get a punch in himself. She turned to her husband and started yelling at him.

"He deserves it," he replied and shot her a look. Abuela started horrified as Ranger beat the shit out of him. I was at loss of what to do, but I figured I had to do something; otherwise he would kill this man. I thought of throwing water over them and glanced at the glass of water that Abuela had in her hand. It was worth a shot, so I grabbed it and threw it in Rangers face. He stopped for a second and that was all I needed. I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. He looked at me, and then shot a glance at the man on the couch; his face covered with blood, and then let me lead him away.

"I think you should go," I told the man, not caring if he could understand me or not. He nodded and got up from the couch, pressing his shirt to his face in an attempt to stop the bleeding. No one said anything as the man got out front door and disappeared down the streets. Abuela started cleaning, which brought everybody out of their thoughts. Abuelo, Rangers grandfather, and Carlos started doing the heavy lifting, and I took Ranger out to the kitchen.

"Sit," I told him, and pointed to one of the kitchen chairs. Then I dug around in the fridge, looking for ice. I finally found some and put it in a bowl. I set the bowl in front of Ranger and stared at me.

"Come on, put them in," I said, referring to his hands.

"I don't think so," he answered solemnly.

"Because you're the big bad mercenary man? Your hands are already swelling up, dip them in," I said, and gave him the "don't fuck with me"-look. He sighed and put them in, wincing a little. "I'm going to go help your grandmother clean up," I said and left the kitchen.

After an hour Abuela announced that it was bed time, so we said good night and wandered off to bed. I brushed my teeth and changed into one of Ranger's t-shirts before I crawled into bed next to him. He motioned for me to turn over, and then he lifted my shirt. He stroke my back gently and then applied another layer of the salve before placing a small kiss at the base of my neck and dropped my t-shirt back down. I turned over and grabbed his hand, inspecting them before kissing each hand settling them between us.

"What was that about tonight?" I asked after a couple of minutes. Ranger sighed and started stroking my arm. "Who was that man?" I tried again when I figured that my earlier question was too pervasive.

"Mom's ex-fiancée," he answered. "He came to condole, or that's what he pretended to do. What he really wanted was to talk shit and dishonour my mother. Rub her death in our faces."

"Oh," I answered, not sure what to say. "Why?" I finally asked.

"He and mom didn't end on very good terms. Their relationship was the "on-and-off" type, and during one of their off-periods, mama met my father. They fell in love, but circumstances had it that they couldn't become a couple. Still they weren't able to stay away from each other completely, but my mother never cheated on José. She was a very honourable and kind woman. The only times my parents met were when José and mama were in off-periods. José refuses to believe this. He has always meant that mama cheated on him. One night at a bar he heard from that mama and papa had been seen entering a motel and then leaving it and hour later, he got drunk and when he came home he confronted mama about it. When she told him that nothing had happened, he didn't believe her, and he nearly beat her to death. It was just luck that papa came by that night, and found mama lying on the floor, beaten up. José had crashed someplace other in the house. Papa took mama to hospital. She had two broken ribs, broken wrist and a broken jaw. What they had discussed in the motel that day was the fact that papa was free from the government and that he could start a life with her. They married shortly after she was well again, and had me shortly after that. José said a lot of shit tonight, I don't want to repeat any of it, but it dishonoured my mother and it hurt and, I don't know… I just snapped. I needed to shut his mouth and I wanted to hurt him as he hurt me and my family." He was staring out into space, his thoughts elsewhere.

I leaned up and kissed him. "Get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow as well." His eyes shifted and met mine. He nodded and leaned down and kissed me. It was soft and tender. I lifted my hand and ran my thumb across his bottom lip, before giving him one last kiss and turning around, allowing him to spoon me. He moved closer to me and settled one arm under my hand and one hand on my breast. He nuzzled my neck and placed a small kiss. Then we both drifted off to sleep.

**A/N**

Sorry it took some time. My computer hasn't been quite cooperative :S but its temporarily fixed now. Hope you all like the chapter  It is merely a coincident that both chapters ended with them going to sleep : P

Please review! It was amazing to read all of your reviews!!! Next chapter is coming up, hopefully soon  Merry Christmas!


	3. Hold my hand 3

_Authors Note_

_Thank you for the reviews and thanks to all of you who has added my story to favo__urite and stuff : ) It's a thrill to know that you actually like my story!_

**September When **

_Chapter 3_

The last couple of days had been pretty uneventful. They would start with a good morning kiss and a shower, followed by breakfast of course, continue with either making arrangements or "enjoy" the company of the rest of the family, and end with supper and a good night kiss. Ranger had yet to mention Joe again, and I was glad. His attention was directed to the tragic event of his mother's death, but not in a good way, if there ever was a good. He wanted his family to have a decent outlet of their grief, and in order for them to have that, he felt that he had to keep it together and be strong. I thought that was rubbish. I thought by doing so, he was denying himself a decent outlet of his grief. I tried to confront him on this once, but that had ended with him walking away. He had gone out for hours, and when it started getting late I went to bed, even though I knew I wouldn't go to sleep until he was back. At 2 am his figure filled the doorway of the bedroom.

"Hey," I tried as a peace offering, not sure of what else to say. He didn't verbally answer me, but he came inside the room and took a seat on the bed.

"I don't know how to deal with this," he finally said, breaking the silence. "This situation and position that I'm put in, is new and unfamiliar. Or, of course I have experienced death, or you know, people I know dying. But I, I…," he sighed and shook his head. "What I'm trying to say is, I have never lost anyone this close to me, and I don't know how to handle the situation. The truth is that I'm actually loss of what to do. So I go on instincts, and that is to push away my feelings, and focus on the stuff that needs to be done," he looked up from the spot on the floor and locked eyes with me. "The only thing that I know for sure is that I wouldn't have been able to do anything without you Babe. I need you. Please don't leave me Babe," he said, his voice cracking a little.

I moved up from position on the bed, and crawled over to him, hugging him to me. His arms went around my waist and he rested his forehead against mine, seeking strength and support.

"I was never going to leave you Ranger. I was just worried about you, because you aren't dealing with this. I know it's easier to push away the feelings and focus on the aspects of this horrible situation that you can control, but it won't make anything easier. I can't give you an exact answer for how you should handle this, but keeping it in won't make things better. Know that I'm here though, no matter how you choose to deal," I said kissing him softly.

His hands came up and fisted in my hair, and he brushed his lips across mine. I lifted my own hand and settle it on his cheek, brushing away a few tear drops.

"I love you Ranger, I won't ever leave you," I said. He answered by kissing me. His tongue traced the outline of my lips, seeking entrance, and I willingly gave it. He moved his hand down and grabbed a hold of my t-shirt, tugging it off me and laid me down on the bed. He tugged off his own t-shirt and pants before following me down; and his lips claimed mine again, though this time the kiss was roughed. He fisted his hand in my hair and tugged my head back, baring my neck. He kissed his way down to my neck and bit me where my neck met my shoulder. I yelped and dug my fingers into his shoulder. His hands roamed my body, digging his fingers into my flesh. In a second he had ripped off my panties and I felt him filling me. He didn't give me any time to adjust to his size and began to pound into me. It was hard, rough and fast. It didn't take too long before his orgasm washed over him, and he collapsed on top of me.

"I'm sorry," he said after several minutes. He moved up so he could see my face and raised his hand, brushing a stray of hair out of my face. "Did I hurt you?" he asked concerned.

"No," I said, and kissed him for good measures. He smiled slightly, eased out of me and headed for the bathroom. I was drifting off when he slipped back into bed. He laid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him so I was flushed up against him, and be both went to sleep.

*

I awoke to the shower in the bathroom turning on. It was 9 am and I figured that it was a somewhat reasonable hour to get up. I stretched and winced, and then I crawled out of bed carefully. Ranger had been rough last night, and I bet that it would be some bruises. I didn't care too much about it, since I knew he hadn't tried to hurt me and because in a way, he had dealt with some of his grief that way, but I knew that Ranger wouldn't see it like that, so I needed to find a t-shirt and cover myself up, so he wouldn't see any of the bruises. I had just slipped one over my head when Ranger came out of the shower.

"Morning Babe, how you feeling?" he asked as he moved towards me.

"I'm good," I smiled. "How are you feeling?" I asked. The only answer I got was a small shrug. He turned his back on me and got dressed and I made my way towards the bathroom. I winced as I moved, but quickly tried to cover it up, but of course Ranger noticed.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing, why?" I answered and put on an innocent smile.

"Babe."

He stared sternly at me and I stared back trying to look innocent. I really wasn't the best at staring contests, I had a short attention-spam, but I might as well give it a go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He surprised me looking away first. He sighed and stared at the ground.

"I hurt you last night," he said.

"No, of course you didn't Ranger, I…"

"Take off your shirt," he said, cutting me off. I gaped at him. "What?" I asked, slightly shocked.

"Take off you shirt, Babe." He repeated, locking eyes with me again. I tried to "scare" me with his don't-fuck-with-me-look, but it didn't work as I could see his pained and mourning look underneath it. I did what he asked anyway, it was clear that he wouldn't let this go. When he saw my body he shut his eyes tightly. It made me curious so I took a chance and looked down my body myself. My hips had two wonderful bruises formed as hands and there were several bruises made by either his teeth or his hands all over my body. My breasts had also been coloured by last night. I jumped a little when his hand grazed my hips. He got down on his knees in front of me, and encircled my waist with his arms.

"I'm so sorry Babe," he said and rested his head on my abdomen. I lifted my hand and let my fingers run through his hair. "It's nothing to worry about Ranger. You have nothing to be sorry for," I said, and repeated the process of my fingers. He shook his head.

"How can you say that?" he asked. He clearly had more to say, but I refused to listen to it. I got down on my knees in front of him and took his face in my hands.

"Listen to me Ranger. I know you're beating yourself up over these few bruises and marks, but you have to know that there is no reason for you to do that. I love you, and you let me be there for you last night. Had it been anyone else, under different circumstances, then I wouldn't have accepted it. I wouldn't even let it happen. You would never force me to do anything I wouldn't want you to, sexually or otherwise, and I know that no matter which state you are in, that principle will never falter. Last night was not you demanding something of my body I wouldn't consent, and it was certainly not you raping me, and it was not you hurting me. Don't beat yourself up over this. It happened, but there are no regrets and no hurt feelings. I wanted it too. Please understand that." I locked eyes with him and let my sincerity shine through.

He traced a bruise on my ribcage. "I'm still sorry, and …" I cut him off, "I know. I know you are. But please try to understand that it doesn't matter to me. I love you," I kissed him softly. He kissed me back, and then placed me in his lap and held me to him. His hand would move over the bruises, silently pleading for forgiveness, even though it had already been given.

*

Tomorrow was the funeral and I was starting to get even more worried about Ranger. After the one night where I had thought that he had finally opened up, and had started to deal with the situation, Ranger had closed up even more. He tried to act cool and normal-per-se, but anyone who knew him could tell in an instant that he was far from normal, and far from ok. He had bags under his eyes and his skin was paler. He often forgot to bring his gun, which he usually never did, and I could easily sneak up on him. I suspected that he didn't sleep at night, even though he stayed in the bed, and he didn't eat much. He was fading away and I was having a hard time reaching him.

Since the funeral was the next day the house was filling up on new guests, and among them came some of the Merry Men. Apparently Juanita had been like a second mother to Tank, Bobby and Lester. She had given them food, a place to stay and a loving embrace when they hadn't had one. They were here to say good bye and pay their respects, and I only hoped that they could help me find a way to help Ranger as well. We huddled together in the hall when the guy's car pulled up. Abuela was standing in the doorway, greeting them.

"Lester," she said and kissed his cheek. "It's good to see you again." He leaned down and gave her a hug, whispering something in her air. She nodded and when he let her go she wiped away some tears. He shook Abuelo's hand and then hugged him, again whispering something. Abuelo answered by clapping Lester's back. Tank and Bobby went through the same procedure, until they all reached me. Lester hugged me first and said softly in his ear, "I'm so sorry Lester."

He nodded. "Thank you for taking care of Ranger," he said.

"There's no need for thanks. I would have done it no matter what, and you know it," I answered. He nodded and kissed my forehead. Both Tank and Bobby hugged me and kissed me and nearly the same words were exchanged.

"Where is Ranger?" Tank asked, noting that he hadn't joined us in the hallway. I looked around and spotted him in the living room. I crooked my finger at the guys, telling them to follow me. I went softly up to Ranger and put my arms around his waist. He jumped a little and tensed.

"Shh, it's just me Ranger," I said softly. He relaxed a little. "The guys are here," I told him.

His eyes shifted from where he had been looking out the window and he locked eyes with me. I jerked my head towards where the guys were standing. He turned and looked at them. Tank was the first to cross the room and embrace Ranger, soon followed by the guys. Ranger pointed towards the couch and we all moved over and took a seat. They tried to maintain a conversation, but soon gave up. It was hard enough for them to carry out a proper conversation on a good day, on the worst day I hardly expected them to open their mouth.

"I'm going to go help Abuela with the coffee and stuff," I said knowing for sure that she was occupying herself in the kitchen. I got up and headed for the kitchen, and was caught up by Tank when I got to the hallway.

"What's up?" I asked when he grabbed my arm, stopping any further movement.

"We need to talk," he said. I nodded. I figured they would notice right away that there was something wrong with Ranger. "It's about Morelli."

Oh crap.

"What about him?" I asked, going for ignorance. Tank sighed.

"You know what I'm talking about Steph, partly at least. I know he's left you some unpleasant calls. Have you told Ranger?" He asked me. I thought about denying what Tank told me, but decided against it. He was going through a rough enough time as it is, so he didn't need me giving him shit. But I could postpone the inquisition from his side.

"How?" I asked.

"He showed up at Rangeman," he answered. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes in frustration.

"What did he do?" I asked, hiding my face in my hands.

"Kicked and hit at the gate, shouted and yelled, waved his gun around some. I went out to talk to him, and he served me some pretty powerful words. He was shit-faced. Kept screaming about Ranger and you, how you had run out on him and wouldn't answer his call. Then he uttered some disturbing words about your future. Have you showed any of the calls to Ranger?"

I shook my head. "He doesn't need this now," I said.

"I don't need what?" I heard behind me. I spun around and saw Ranger leaning against the doorway.

"Morelli," Tank said. Squealer, I thought. Ranger raised an eyebrow.

"Morelli's making trouble back in Trenton. Been calling Bombshell too," Tank continued. I wanted to hit him. His lack of saying more than two sentences was making this a lot more dramatic than it was.

"Babe," Ranger said sternly. Babe meant a lot of things, it could mean "You're looking sexy tonight", or "You amuse me", or "I'm proud of you". Today it meant "Why didn't you tell me?" in a strict don't-mess-with-me way. Normally I love hearing him call me that, but right now I would be good if he didn't.

"What Ranger? He just called me a couple of times the day after we left, and that's no biggie. I expected it, didn't you?" I asked.

"How many times?" He asked.

"I don't know. 20-25 times maybe. I didn't tell you because it wasn't a big deal. Just a few messages here and there. Tank is making sound way worse than it really is," I said and sent Tank a mean glare. He just looked at me.

"What did he say?" Ranger asked again.

"Who? Tank?" I asked back. I did not like where this conversation was heading and I tried to avoid it at all cost, all though my methods could use some serious improvement. Ranger gave me a look. I sighed.

"He said a lot, Ranger. I don't have it all in my head. Can we please just drop this?"

"Let me hear the messages then," he said. Hell no, I thought.

"Okay okay, he asked me to forgive him and that he didn't mean it. Told me he loved me and hoped that I would take him back. Basically that was it," I said.

"That's not all he said," Tank said behind me. I seriously wanted to whack this guy. I was trying to end this conversation and keep Ranger from knowing too much, whilst Tank was just adding more fuel. Ranger raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes. That. Was. All." I gritted out. Tank didn't back down. "When he visited Rangeman he talked about taking her back, even though she betrayed him, but only after giving her a real lesson for leaving him. He was drunk and was waving his gun around, threatening to kill you next time he saw you. He mentioned telling it to Steph too, but she hadn't answered him yet," Tank turned from Ranger and locked eyes with me. "Said that he would have to give her another lesson for not picking up her phone when her future husband calls her," he looked back up at Ranger. Ranger nodded his head at Tank, signalling for Tank to leave. Then he grabbed my arm and led me upstairs.

When we were in our room he asked me, "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was hard and he was almost wearing his blank mask. I say almost because he wasn't quite successful in his attempt to put it on. Another sign that showed the fact that he wasn't in his right element.

"I didn't want to trouble you Ranger, and besides it was just Joe. He would never hurt me," I said.

"How's your back?" Ranger asked raising an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes. "That was different. It was an accident, he didn't do it on purpose, he was just unfortunate that I hit the counter," I said frustrated.

Ranger stared at me shocked. "_He_ was unfortunate that you hit the counter? _He_ pushed you Stephanie. He shouldn't be pushing you at all. This has happened before hasn't it?" He asked me, his eyes pinning me. I wasn't able to keep eye contact and started pacing the room.

"No Ranger, it has never happened before. I didn't mean it like that. But it's Joe, Ranger. Joe would never ever hurt me," I said, my voice rising towards the end.

"How often Babe?"

"Ranger…"

"How often?" he asked, his own voice rising a bit.

I sighed. "He never hurt me. Maybe now and then he would playfully hit me, and it was harder than he meant it. Or he would give a slight shove and it turned into a push, but he never intentionally hurt me Ranger."

"And the messages?" He had lowered his voice to a low menace voice, and it made me a little nervous.

"What about the messages?" I asked.

"I want to hear them," he said.

"What? No. Why?" I got my cell out of my pocket and held protectively in my hand.

"Give me the phone Stephanie," he said and stalked towards me. I wanted to fight him, but I knew it would be useless, so I handed him the phone. He stood and listened to the messages and I could see his face set in a grim line and his look become darker. When he had come to the last message it was plain murder in his eyes. I neither liked nor knew how to handle the situation, and I was to emotionally exhausted to pull the pissed-jersey girl attitude. So I went over to the bed and laid down. I soon felt the bed dip beside me and I spoke before Ranger could say anything.

"I probably should have told you, yes. I honestly didn't think much over the occasional pushes, because it was never anything serious and it was always with a laugh. I didn't want to worry you at this time. I'm sorry. But please, don't do anything about it. It's just Joe, and it's just some messages. It doesn't go beyond that," I said, having had enough of the drama.

"The last message was from your niece's phone, Babe." Ah, we're back to Babe. I instantly felt myself relax a little. Then I figured what he said.

"Okay, so I will call him and tell him to leave my family alone and if he doesn't I'll get a restraining order. Sounds fair?" I asked. Ranger sighed a little, but agreed anyway. I smiled and snuggled up against him. I felt myself drifting off and figured that I deserved some sleep after the emotional rollercoaster I had just ridden so I sighed and took a trip to Neverland.

**A/N**

**Okay, so that was 3 chapter. I don't know why I keep ending up with one of them or both going to sleep by the end of each chapter, it's really not intentionally. **

**People, please review! It keeps me going and makes me update faster. It's scary how true that actually is : P And thank you for all the reviews for last chapter. **

**Now remember to review guys ;) Happy New Years! **


	4. Hold my hand 4

_Disclaimers: As usually I'm only borrowing the characters, except for those I created ^^ 4__th__ chapter's up. Enjoy ; )_

**September When**

Chapter 4

Funeral day.

The day of the funeral.

I was awake. I had been for at least an hour. I knew Ranger was awake too. I doubted he had slept more than an hour throughout the night. It was 7 am. The funeral was at noon. I needed to get ready. It was funeral day.

*

We were walking in a line after the casket which was being carried by Ranger, his father and Ranger's brothers Manuel and Armando. Ranger's grandfather had wanted to carry it too, but Abuela had managed to convince him that it would be better if he walked next to her instead. Without hurting his pride she told him she needed him to support her, and he never suspected that it was because we thought he wouldn't be able to lift it. The two of them was walking together behind the casket and I was walking behind them again, next to Tank, Lester and Bobby. Lester had an arm slung around my waist and was keeping me close to him. I wasn't sure if it was for his sake or for mine, but I was grateful for it anyhow. My worrying about Ranger was taking its toll on my physical health as well as my mental. He was no longer making any form of conversation with anyone, and he didn't make any attempts to hide his vulnerability. I was afraid I had lost him. The guys were worried too and had on several occasions tried to divert him, but the most response they'd get from him was a lift of his eyebrow. Now he was walking 8 feet in front of me, and I was worried, again, that he would collapse from the weight of the casket.

*

The funeral was over. Everyone had gone to Abuela and Abuelos house for some cookies and coffee. They had left two hours ago. I was standing in the rain, 10 feet from Ranger. When people started moving, leaving, after the funeral, Ranger had been standing still. Stoic. When the graveyard had emptied for people he had finally moved and crouched down in front of his mother's headstone. He hadn't moved since. Every now and then he would reach forward and touch it. I could see his lips moving. He was saying good bye.

Lester and Bobby were sitting in the car a few yards away, waiting for us. Tank was right outside the graveyard, standing guard. You see, there's a possibility that some of Ranger enemies could show up and if they did it was highly unlikely that Ranger would be able to take them down. It was unlikely that Ranger would even notice them, at least not before it would be too late. So, Tank was post on look out.

Anyway, we had been here for more than two hours and it was pouring down. I was soaked to my skin, and I was sure Ranger and Tank were too. Only difference was that Tank was trained not to acknowledge it, and Ranger was probably not even aware that it was raining. He seemed oblivious to everything surrounding him. Finally he stood up from his crouched position, but didn't move any further. I figured this was my cue, so I moved up to him.

"She's gone," he said when I stood next to him.

"Yes," I answered. He nodded.

"I'm going to miss her," he whispered. I laid my arms around him.

"I know". His arms came around me and squeezed me tight, hiding his face in my hair. He didn't make much sound, but his shoulder was slightly shaking and I could feel the wetness of his tears. He was finally letting go.

I lost track of how long we stood there, just holding each other. I don't know how much of the time was spent shedding tears, and I don't know who shed the most tears, him or me. What I do know is that when we were finally making our way back to the car, and got into the back seat, the mood had lifted a little. I wasn't being naïve, I knew that there would be time before he was back to his old self, but now we were finally moving in the right direction. On the way over to Ranger's grandparent's house none of us said much, but when we were inside and we settled down for coffee and cookies, the conversation floated more easily then it had any other day. I'm not saying it was just because of Ranger. All of us had gotten some kind of closure now that the funeral was over. But it _was_ also a consequence of the fact that Ranger was more at ease and more open.

"Remember when we took her clothes and makeup and stuff and dressed up Mrs. Alvarez's dog?" Armando asked Ranger. He had a smile around his face and even though his eyes carried his grief, a sparkle of laughter shot through the haze. Ranger breathed a small chuckle.

"I don't know who took it the hardest; Mrs. Alvarez, mama or the dog. And I'm not sure if hooking a bra around its ears and putting lipstick on its teeth qualifies as dressing up."

"I remember when you did the same with Manuel," Abuela spoke up. Manuel's eyebrows hit the roof.

"They dressed me up? Oh lord, have mercy. What did they dress me up as? Do I even want to know? I will not like it if I find out you hooked mama's bra around my ears as well," He threatened, but there was a small glint in his eyes. Ranger and Armando smiled secretly. "We didn't," they said in union. Their grin suggested otherwise. Manuel laid his head back and covered his eyes. "And people ask why I don't have a girlfriend". That got us all laughing a little. Apparently Manuel was gay. "With brothers like you, it should be a no-brainer," he said exaggerated.

As the night went on we continued the trip down the memory line. Most of the stories, if not all, circled around Juanita. They all told of the fondest memory they had of her, and they told stories of times when she had done crazy things or when she had caught Ranger or any of the other "kids" doing crazy stuff. The evening proceeded as ceremony where all her virtues, her strength and her kindness were honoured. When the clock passed midnight we all figured it was time for bed. All of Rangers immediate family was present, and that made the house more crowded then it had been other nights. To make room for the new houseguests the existing sleeping arrangements had to be reorganized. Tank and Lester had room for one more, so Bobby bunked with them. There was room for two more in Carlos's bedroom, where Armando and Manuel were placed.

"You better keep your hands to yourself," Armando said when it was made clear that they also had to share a bed. Manuel answered by smacking Armando in the back of his head. "You are a very sick and twisted man" he uttered before he disappeared down the hall.

Celia, Ranger's older sister, and her kids got the bedroom were Bobby had slept. Ranger's room was pretty small and didn't offer any extra sleeping spaces, so Ranger's younger sister, Elvira, drew the short straw and ended up sleeping on the couch. It made me feel a little bad. I figured I should have offered my space or something, but I didn't let the guilt consume me. Besides, when I slid into bed next to Ranger and he hooked his arm around my waist and brought me so I was flushed up against him, I couldn't even have picked Elvira out in a lineup.

*

There are two kinds of morning people; those who get up at the crack of dawn and those who get up at 10 am, claiming it's the crack of dawn. I admit that I belong to those who think that anyone who gets up before 10 am has to be mentally unstable. Ranger belongs to those who like to rise with the sun. Today I had gotten up at 10.30 am. I'd showered, shaved and got dressed. Then I got downstairs and had some pancakes for breakfast and two cups of coffee, after I spent some time helping Abuela in the house together with Celia and Elvira. The guys were set to babysitting-duty. In between chores I snuck into the living room where the guys were watching Celias twin boys and baby girl, just to see if they were still alive.

One of the twin boys had thing where he always tried to pull everyone out of their chairs. Lester had on several occasions let him drag him out of the chair, and had each time made a big show out of it, so it seemed like León threw Lester across the room. Of course León thought this was hilarious, so now Lester couldn't sit down at all without León coming and expecting him to fly out of his chair. Lester had his hands full. Once Lester put a bit too much force into his leap and had crashed into Tank who was entertaining Mateo, the second twin, with a dramatic reading of Little Red Riding Hood. They had ended up in a tangled mess on the floor and started play-fighting. Mateo and León were quick to throw themselves into the fight and it was safe to say that Tank and Lester had gotten their asses kicked. Little Sol Angélica, Celias youngest, was sitting on Armandos lap and was having a laughing fit from watching her brothers with their uncles. Her laughter infected me and I walked away with a smile greater then the Grand Canyon on my face. You would really have to look long and hard for a sound sweeter than an infant's wholehearted laugh.

It was now 3 pm and I couldn't think of anything more to do. Ranger had been sleeping in today. I thought it was a little weird when I got out of bed this morning and Ranger hadn't as much as flinched, but I figured he needed the sleep. He hadn't slept much the past week. When noon came I had gone up to check on him, but he had still been sleeping like a baby. Now I was standing in our bedroom again, and I was wondering if he didn't have to pee. I know I would if I had been sleeping for nearly 15 hours. There was a theory floating back in Trenton that Ranger was a superhuman or maybe a superhero, like Batman. Lula was mainly responsible for the theory, but I guess I would have to take my share of the blame. I think I might have been the one who floated the idea first. Or maybe it was she that first mentioned it and then I played further on it. We had been chasing a skip in a car during this conversation, so I wasn't all that clear on the details. Anyway, I was drawing a line over the whole theory. After this week I knew he was as human as the next person, which brought me back to wondering if he didn't have to pee. Ranger groaned and rolled onto his back.

"Sleep," he muttered and threw an arm up to cover his eyes. I didn't know what to answer so instead I brought my coffee cup up to my lips and took a sip while watching him. "Fuck," he muttered again and threw the covers back. I kept my eyes on him as he went across the hall to the bathroom. He closed the door and I took another sip of my coffee. A couple of seconds ticked by and I took another sip. And another. Then the bathroom door opened again and Ranger made his way back to the bedroom.

"Coffee?" he asked when he stopped in front of me. I nodded and he took the cup from me, taking a big gulp.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked.

"Better. Not good, but a little better. Sleep helped," he said and started getting dressed.

I nodded. "I'm sure some food would do good too. Abuela's just finishing dinner."

"Let's," he said and we headed downstairs.

When we entered the kitchen everybody stopped what they were doing and looked up at us.

"Did you sleep well?" Abuela asked after a couple of beats. Ranger nodded, and everybody turned their attention away again. Food was served and we all got busy loading up our dishes. Rest of dinner went by smoothly and mostly quietly, some small talk was made from time to time, otherwise the only sound was the radio playing softly in the background, and Celia's kids.

"It's time for us to talk Carlito," Carlos said after dinner, when we had settled in the living room. Ranger's father had been devastated when his wife died, and he had looked as if though he would just stop breathing at any moment, but he had gotten a lot better during the last couple of weeks. There was still sadness in his eyes, but each day you could also see a will to carry on living, and it was growing slightly stronger for each day. For the past days he had wanted to talk to Ranger about something. But each time he had tried Ranger would shut him out.

Ranger locked eyes with his father and after a while he nodded. He got up from his seat next to me and followed Carlos into the other room. I didn't really know what Carlos wanted to talk to Ranger about, and I didn't really care all that much. I think it would do Ranger some good, having a little one-on-one time with his father. Okay, maybe I was fibbing a little. I was seriously curious, but I respected their privacy enough to not eavesdrop on them. Despite what other people might say, I'm not lacking total self-control.

**I am so sorry for the late update, and the short(?) chapter. With school starting back up I don't as much time as I want to write, and I end up updating late. I'm going to try to update more frequently. Again, really sorry.**

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews guys! It really keeps me going and gives me inspiration. So please continue to do it!!**

**Will be updating as soon as possible, that is a promise. Until then, stay tuned ;)**


	5. Hold my hand 5

_Thank you once again for all of your reviews. __I sound like a broken record, but I'm so grateful that I don't care. Thank you all very very much!_

**September When**

_Chapter 5_

Where I come from, gossip spreads at a rapid wind. If you go to the market and meet your friend there and you catch up and chat for while, you are a fool to think that no one is eavesdropping and that anything you say will not be racing through the Burg within minutes after the words have left your mouth. In the Burg it doesn't matter if the conversation is held behind closed doors or out in the open. The content of it will be shared with the rest of the neighbourhood. It is a fact and a manner that we who live there and are raised there are interpreted with from the very beginning of our existence.

Apparently it is not like this in Miami. In Miami they have a whole other set of rules for this. In Miami you go into a different room to have a talk and when you emerge you don't even acknowledge the fact that you were in the room. If anyone asks what you were talking about, you ignore the person until he or she asks you a question non-related to the talk. It's all Fight Club. You don't talk about the talk. Or maybe this is only true if your name is Ranger. Or rather, maybe this is true if your name is Ranger and the one you're dealing with has a morbid amount of curiosity. In this scenario, that would be me.

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing Babe"

"It can't be nothing," I said rolling my eyes. "While I with no problem can picture you leaving a room to have a talk, and then just stand there not saying a word, I seriously don't believe you when you say that your talk with your father was about nothing".

"It could be private" he retorted. I huffed.

"It could, only it seemed like it wasn't. Because while you were talking the guys kept shooting glances at the door, like they expected it to blow or something. Then they shot looks at me, and their eyes were all cryptic and mysterious. And when you finally came back, the guys looked at _you_ as if they were expecting you to say something, and when you didn't the tension in the room sky rocketed, and ever since the guys have been quietly mad at you all day. Whatever you talked about in that room, may be private. But the guys know what it was about and somehow it involved me. So I want to know what the hell you talked about in there for almost 3 freaking hours, and I want to know it now". I have a long record of not dealing well with information about me or my situation being withheld from me. Normally I react with moving out, storming out or by avoiding whoever is withholding it, while I try to figure it out on my own. I didn't want to react like this with Ranger. Not now. I just wanted to know. But it was hard to not react that way when Ranger was deliberately avoiding any eye contact with me and was going for ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment.

"Fine. Be that way. There are still a few other guys here who I _can _interrogate," I snapped as I left the room. I was trying to grow up and handle the situation as an adult, put apparently these things take time, and I didn't have that. I heard Ranger sigh as I left the room.

*

"He won' tell me anything," I said.

I was walking along the shoreline with Lester, drinking in the beautiful sun set. With the tense mood and the impatience and curiosity that were building up within me, which apparently was obvious to everyone else, Lester figured that I needed a break and he brought me to the beach so that I could unwind. We had been walking around for half an hour before I cracked.

"I hate this. I hate that I'm going crazy because Ranger won't tell me what he talked about. I feel like a spoiled brat who makes a huge scene just because she didn't get her drink in the right cup. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing and that I am ruining the day for everybody because of it. But I can't help it. I just…" I stopped walking and turned so that I face to face with Lester. "I just have this feeling that whatever Ranger and Carlos discussed, it involves me in a way. And maybe it is idiotic to go all exorcist over a hunch that I've got, maybe I'm just some sort of narcissist who needs another drama. But… Ranger has never lied to me before, and he's never really cut me off, at least not in the way he is now. Besides my spidysense is shooting through the roof, and my spidysense is almost never wrong," I finished with a huff.

Lester started walking again, leaving me behind. Jerk, I thought before I jogged up to him and settled into his pace. Lester nodded to himself before he drew a deep breath.

"OK, first off. You are not a narcissist. You can be a pain in the ass, but you are definitely not a narcissist. You are a kind, head-strong, independent and beautiful woman. You don't seek drama or conjure drama to satisfy your needs. Sometimes you could have done things differently to avoid the drama, but that is a different story. You are going a little exorcist, but it's not over a hunch. You're right. The content of Ranger and his father's conversation bear consequences for you, and you have a right to know it. Ranger is wrong to keep it from you. And, before you ask; I'm not going to tell you what they were talking about. Because even though I know it, and even though Ranger is a royal ass for not telling you, it would be wrong if you heard it from me. He is the one who has to tell you. I just wanted you to know that your… spidysense? I just wanted you to know that it's not wrong." Lester finished.

"Thank you," I said after awhile. "Thank you for at least telling that much, it made me feel a little better" I smiled.

Lester threw an arm around my shoulder and pressed a kiss to my hairline. "Anytime, beautiful. I think we should be heading back now. We're leaving for Trenton in a couple of hours and I haven't packed yet."

"Me neither," I said. And we made our way back to the car.

Lester's company car is a black SUV. Lester's joy ride is a Lamborghini Murciélago R-GT and his down-time ride is a Ducati supermono 549. His rented car in Miami is a Lada VFTS. I think it had something to do with the prank he pulled back in Trenton, that none of the Rangeman were particularly happy about.

By the time we got back it was 8 o'clock and the plane back to Trenton was taking off at 10 sharp. That was Tanks words, not mine. Everything has to happen "sharp" or "ASAP" with these guys. The annoying thing is that it always does too. If they say something happens "sharp", it damn right well do. So I had approximately half an hour to pack everything. The good news was that because of this, I didn't have time to deal with Ranger.

"It was good to finally meet you dear, in spite of the circumstances," Abuela said as she hugged me good-bye. I had never really been one for big and long good-byes, but I was out numbered. After hugging all of Ranger's closest family, we got in the car and headed for the airport. At eight thirty pm, sharp.

The ride to the airport was long and awkward. I was stuffed in the back seat with Lester and Bobby. Ranger had the wheel and Tank was playing Miss Daisy. There was no music and hardly any breathing. If it hadn't been for the fact that I could hear my own heart beating I would have sworn that I had died and was just witnessing the drive from a different plane or something. Bobby was drumming his fingers on his leg and Lester was doodling on the window, Ranger was in his zone and Tank was playing Miss Daisy, and it was awkward.

*

"I'm gonna go get a latte or something," Bobby said as he got up from his seat, "I'm beat".

We were sitting by gate 67 and we would be boarding in about 15 minutes. I was nervous as shit and also edgy because of Ranger. He was sitting in his chair reading a book by some Amos Oz, an Israeli journalist/writer. I got the impression that the guy was a big deal, but I had the attention spam of a goldfish so Ranger's speech about Oz had been lost on me. I had started humming to the tune "We're of to see the wizard" from The Wizard of Oz instead. Ranger's hadn't been very thrilled by that.

"I'll go with you Bobby," I said and jumped out of my seat. Unfortunately, my jump wasn't very well coordinated so I stumbled over Ranger's hand luggage, which by the way was his only luggage, and fell into his lap. God just wasn't playing on my team.

Ranger had dropped the book and was holding me with one arm supporting my back and the other hoisting my legs. His grip was firm and his eyes intense and I couldn't help getting lost in them.

"You OK?" he asked.

"Uh," I answered and cursed my brilliant eloquence. I broke eye contact and gave my head a small shake. "Yes, I'm good," I said and supported my hands on his shoulders to get up. As I did my face was brought closer to his, and he leaned in whispering in my ear; "I know".

That caught me off-guard. I wasn't expecting him to flirt when we were in the middle of a silent-argument. I whipped my head around to look at him, and his eyes were smiling at me. I narrowed mine and was about to give him a piece of my mind when Bobby spoke up.

"So we should really be getting that latte. We're going to be boarding soon". He sounded anxious. He must really be needing that latte. Or he just really wanted me not to throw a fit.

With one last look at Ranger I gave a nod and got up to get my latte, or maybe I would get camomile tee. If I was asleep I wouldn't have to intervene with Ranger.

*

"Come on you two! We have to get going," Tank bellowed. Tank never shout or yell. Tank bellows. I went to where my seat was to get my purse, but was stopped halfway there by Lester's shout.

"I've got your things, Steph".

I spun around and jogged over to where they were standing in line. I gave Lester a smile and took my purse from him. "Thank you," I said and started rummaging through it as I settled into the line. It is all well known that a woman carries her life in her purse, and since my life was complicated and a mess, it's a given that my purse is no better. I was looking for my lip-gloss and had my head buried deep in my purse, but I wasn't having much luck in finding any thing. Then I felt a poke on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, miss," a voice said. I turned around and came face to face with a big, fat, short woman. She was wearing a yellow dress with lots of sunflowers. The dress had an emperor waist, which was very unfortunate for her. Her breasts spilled over the waist and it made her already big bosom look gigantic. The dress reached her to her knees, it was probably meant to be to her ankles, but because of her boobs and her belly, the dress wasn't able to reach her ankles. Her hair was set in a curly frizz on top of her head, and her eye shadow was a dark pastel-blue colour that decked her entire eyelids, all the way up to her eyebrows, and her lips were painted bright red. She was a frightening sight.

I recovered from the shock of her, enough to utter a simple small word, "Yes?"

"I was standing here," she said. I looked down on the ground. Sure enough, she was standing there.

"I can see that," I answered. "That's good for you," I finished off with a pleasant smile and turned back around. She poked me again, harder this time.

"You took my place," she said in a huff. Her breasts jiggled as she talked and I was afraid that she would knock me over.

"Oh, I'm sorry. But I wasn't really sneaking. I'm with these guys, and they were saving me a spot. I hope it's OK," I answered. I gave her another half-apologetic smile and turned back around. The woman started fiercely to poke me again, making a bruise for sure.

"Look lady…" I said and turned back around again, but was blind sighted when she whipped her breasts around and knocked me over. I stumble backwards and the back of my legs hit some baggage that was lying around, making me fall. I flapped around with my hands as I fell, hoping to grab hold of something and accidentally knocked into a man that was holding a tray-thingy with coffee cups. He dropped the cups and took a jump back, knocking into several of racks holding news-papers, which in turn knocked him back and he fell forward, on top of me and the racks joined him.

It would have ended there, if it hadn't been for the fact that I had gotten all the coffee on me, and was lying on the floor kicking with my legs and hands, so when the man fell over me, I managed to kick him in the crotch. I fought to lie still as the man fought with his pain, and I glanced up at the people still standing in line. They were a lot more now. Among them I saw Tank, Lester and Bobby grinning like idiots and the woman responsible, looking happy. I felt a great urge to run over and thwack her. Finally somebody started removing the racks so we could get up. Some security guards brought the man up and helped him over to one of the chairs, and Ranger hooked his arms under my armpits, hoisting me up.

"Are you hurt?" he asked me. I took a step away from him and grabbed a hold of my shirt, holding it away from my body.

"The coffee wasn't cold," I stated. Ranger stepped forward and grabbed my hand. "Come," he said. He gave a little nod to the guys and then led me to a bathroom. Once there, he checked the stalls for people and then went to lock the door. Only Ranger can find a bathroom without a single soul on an airport. He came over to me and took a hold of my shirt, lifting it over my head.

"It's not too bad," he stated as he checked me over. He touched with his fingertips on my hips and let them glide over the unburned parts of my torso. "It could be worse. Turn around," he said. He had his hand on my shoulder and stroked my back slightly on different places. "You got some small scratches on your back, nothing major. Your cut is looking pretty good too," he said. There was a knock on the door, and Ranger went to open it. He exchanged a few words with what I assumed was one of the guys, and came back in carrying a bag.

"Bobby brought some clothes for you and a salve for you burns," he said. "I'll help apply the salve". I slipped of my pants and looked down on my legs. Most of the coffee had spilled on my upper body so my legs were pretty good. Ranger handed me the salve and I applied some. He tossed me a pair of pants next and allowed me to get half decent. Then he crouched down started applying the salve on my torso. His fingers ran smoothly across my skin and I had a very hard time concentrating.

"You were lucky," he said softly.

"Huh?" I asked and gave myself a pat on the back when it didn't come out as a moan.

"You were lucky. You didn't get all of the coffee over you, and the coffee wasn't as hot as it should be. You're not burned bad," he explained. I was going to answer him, but became suddenly very aware of the fact that his hands was hovering over the lining of my jeans, and lost all coherent thought.

"Oh," I tried to answered, but instead moaned. Ranger chuckled and stood up. He pressed a small kiss to my lips and I moved to deepen it, letting my tongue trace his lips. He fisted a hand in my hair and thrust his tongue into my mouth, exploring every inch of it. I had somehow managed to get a foot in between his, and was grinding against his leg. He moved us over to the sink and sat me on top of it, then moved in on me again to kiss my neck. His hand glided down my side and accidentally brushed my burns. I yelped and moved away, a little shocked and embarrassed over how I had thrown myself on him.

Ranger had his arms placed on the sink on either side of my body and was leaning forward with his head bent, trying to slow down his breathing. He chuckled and looked up at me.

"Damn, Babe," he said. It felt like my face was on fire, and all Ranger did was grinning like fool. He chuckled again and then moved to get the salve again. He stood in front of me with his eyes fixed on my breasts.

"I think I should do that," I said and jumped of the sink and took the salve from his hands. He flashed a smile and kissed me. "I got to make a phone call. I'll be waiting outside," he said and let his eyes travel down my body one more time, before going out. "I'm still mad at you," I shouted after him as he closed the door. I couldn't have him thinking that he could just kiss me and make me forget it. You give a man that kind of power, you're screwed. And there was only one way I wanted to be screwed when it came to Ranger.

***

**Thank you all very much for your reviews and most of all your patience! My muse is singing from the top of her voice right now, so hopefully the next chapter will be coming up soon! Stay tuned ;) And review! =D**


	6. Hold my hand 6

**Thank you for all ****the reviews and your patience. So the next chapter is up, I hope you'll enjoy it!**

**September When**

_**Chapter 6**_

I applied the rest of the salve and got dressed in the clothes from the duffle bag. I recognized the clothes as my own and frowned. These clothes were supposed to be on the plane and unreachable at the moment. I wondered how those clothes had gotten in this duffle bag. I got a mental picture of the guys dressed up as Rambo, walking out to the plane with the music from Kill Bill "Battle Without Honour" playing in the background. The probability that there would be any music playing in the background was in reality slim, so most likely it was just Lester humming. Then they would stop in front of the throwers and give them a mean look, which of course in turn would scare them shitless. I nearly pissed my pants the first time they put their angry faces on around me. I remember how glad I was that the look wasn't directed at me. I still am. Maybe Lester should stop humming at this point, because nobody is afraid of the humming bad boy. Anyway, then Tank would reach out his hand and just simply say "Ms. Plums luggage", and the throwers would scurry around in a frenetic frenzy looking for my bag. Then they brought it to me. I smiled to myself. It was a fun thought.

I checked myself out and realized that the guys had chosen clothes that wouldn't agitate or irritate my burns. It was definitely Bobby who had gotten them. Tank and Lester thought like that. They were more controlled by their testosterone and the little general. Bobby had to think medically too. I cleared the mess and put my coffee spilled clothes in a plastic bag before putting it back in the duffle bag. I would have tossed them out, but I didn't think it was really necessary. Besides, I had worn my favourite sweater. You'd have to do more than just spill coffee on me to get me to throw out my favourite sweater.

With one last look in the mirror I unlocked the door and went out. I located the guys by the coffee shop opposite the bathrooms and headed over to them. They were standing in a little crowd, and seemed like they were ganging up on Ranger. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it was clear that Ranger didn't like it. I tried to sneak up and eavesdrop a little, but these were army guys. Ranger noticed me right away and snapped at the guys. They whipped around and just like that the conversation had stopped.

"What's going on?" I asked. They looked at me. No one said anything. Apparently they hadn't decided who was going to deal with the nosy brunette. I guess they hadn't really thought they would have to deal with me at all. Maybe I did sneak up on them.

"Nothing, Babe," Ranger looked at me nonchalantly. I let my eyes drift over the guys, who apparently did not know what nonchalant meant, much like Joey in Friends. I tried to raise my eyebrow and give him the "stop pulling my leg, because I know you're shitting me"-look, but I my other eyebrow loyally followed the first and I ended up with the shocked "oh my god, is that the canon you are going to shoot me out of?"-look instead, which totally ruined the whole effect. Lester, who was standing next to me, lifted his finger and rubbed the spot between my eyebrows to loosen up my shocked look. I stuck my tongue out at him. He smiled and gathered me into his side.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, in a sly effort to divert me. I shot a look at Ranger and saw his face set in a frown, his eyes locked on Lester's arm around on my waist. I was getting sick of his mystery shit and decided that his dagger shooting eyes didn't deserve any attention, and relaxed against Lester's side.

"I'm not covered in coffee anymore, so I guess that's a good thing." Lester snorted a laugh. I rolled my eyes. "Are we going to board?"

"Plane's departed," Ranger answered in a low voice. He gulped down the rest of his coffee and he got up from his seat. Without sending the slightest glance my way he grabbed his luggage and started down the hall. Tank got on his feet and jogged after him. When he reached Ranger he grabbed hold of him and pushed into the men's room.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked Lester and Bobby. Bobby became suddenly busy with clearing away the coffee cups and Lester just looked at me. I returned his stare, refusing to back down. After a moment he looked away with a sigh and bent to pick up his and my bag.

"Tank's made arrangements with a private plane. It should be ready for us to board now. Let's go," Lester swung his bag over his shoulder and headed down the hall accompanied by Bobby. I followed after them, but lingered when we were next to the men's room. I couldn't hear any sounds from inside. I stretched my hand out to push the door open, but was stopped in my progress by Bobby's voice.

"Are you coming, Steph?"

"Yea," I gave the door one last look, willing it to give me any kind of clue of what was going on. Clearly this wasn't the magic door of truth. I sighed and jogged over to the guys.

I followed Lester into the private jet, and looked around in awe. It was like a living room. If you had shown me pictures of the plane, and asked, what do you think this is a picture of? I'd say a living room with very small windows? Never in a million years would I have guessed it was the inside of a plane! Ok, maybe I would, because the windows looked a lot like the ordinary plane windows, but you catch my drift. There were two loveseats facing each other with a table between them, two chairs on the other side and a larger couch at the far end. Next to the larger couch was a door. I stepped through the door and stumbled upon a small hallway with three doors, one of them lead to a fancy bathroom, the second to a kitchen and the third to a bedroom. It wasn't too big, but seemed comfy and soft. I would definitely take a nap here, or try to at least. If I couldn't then I would use my superpowers to keep the plane in the air, and I would do it from the comfy bed. I went back into the main area where Lester and Bobby had settled into a loveseat each.

"Is Tank and Ranger coming," I asked. Lester nodded. "They'll probably be here in a minute". I gave a nod and settled in on the larger couch.

"Is this Rangemans?"

"Yes. Rangeman got it as a present from a client. Ranger didn't want to accept it at first, but the client was very persistence, so in the end he relented. I don't know the full story really, because Ranger is very evasive whenever we ask him why he all of the sudden accepted the gift;" Bobby told me.

"I bet there is one hell of a good story right there. I swear, one of these days I am going to get it out of him," Lester snickered.

"Only way he'll tell is if he gets drunk, and there will be snowballs in hell before he does that," Lester rolled his eyes at Bobby.

"Why? What?" I asked, intrigued by Bobby's insinuations. Lester laughed and seated himself upright.

"Let's just say that Ranger is a fun and very easily persuaded drunk," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"And Lester is a ruthless pranker, so after what has been known as "the incident", Ranger has vowed never to get drunk again. And Ranger never makes a vow, if he's not relentless to go through with it," Bobby sighed. "I miss drunk-Ranger".

"What was the incident?" I asked. Bobby looked at Lester. Lester turned pink and mumbled something.

"What was that?" I was grinning. There was reason why Lester stayed clear of everything that was pink. It really didn't suit him.

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas".

Bobby leaned over to me, his face split in a giant grin. "Give him a beer and a tequila shot," he winked at me and Lester shot him a dirty look.

"There you are. I'll let the pilot know," Bobby hopped out of his seat and headed for the captains hut. Tank and Ranger boarded the plane and seated themselves in the chairs. Tank signalled for us to put on the seatbelt, and soon we were taking off. I squeezed my eyes shut and was focusing on my breathing. When the plane lifted from the runway I lifted myself up a bit and shrunk lower in my seat at the same time. I was trying to make myself lighter, so the plane wouldn't have so much to lift. Finally we were in the air and I was able to breath easy. When the seatbelt light went off Lester got up.

"I want a coffee, any one else want anything?" he asked.

"I'll have a cup too," Tank said.

"Icetea for me," Bobby said. My mouth felt dry after all the open mouth breathing, so I put in my order for an iced tea as well. Lester shot a look at Ranger, but he had his gaze fixed on something out the window. With a nod of his head Lester disappeared into the kitchen. A look passed between Bobby and Tank, and then Tank got up.

"I'm going to say hi to the pilot. He's an old friend of mine," and off he wandered.

"I think Lester needs some help with the drinks," Bobby said and clapped his hands. He swung through the door to the kitchen and then we heard a loud _CRASH_, followed by "WHAT THE FUCK?" I sprang from my seat and was ready to run into kitchen when Bobby stuck his head out.

"Nothing to worry about. Just a little accident".

"Just a little accident? For fucks sake, _look_ at me!" Lester's voice carried through. Bobby turned his head. "Shush". He turned back to me. "Is lemon ice tea OK?" he asked, pasting a pleasant and strained smile on his face. I nodded.

"Are you sure everything's OK?" I asked. Bobby gave an affirmative grunt and withdrew his head.

"Christ," Ranger mumbled. "Real subtle". I looked at him. He gave a sigh and got up from his chair. "Come Babe, we need to talk" he took my hand and led me to the bedroom I found earlier. As we walked in, I could swear I saw the heads of Tank, Lester and Bobby peaking out from their respective doors. Ranger closed the door to the bedroom and started pacing the room. I stood left by the doorway, at loss of what to do with myself.

"What's going on Ranger?" He stood still in front of the wall on the other side of the room, and I could hear him sigh. I walked across the room and brought my hands around him.

"Ranger," I whispered pleadingly and kissed his shoulder. He took my hands and squeezed them.

"I need to go on a mission". I froze and despite myself, I pulled away from him. He turned and grabbed my hands again, making sure I couldn't get away from him.

"Babe, it's nothing to worry about".

I snorted. "Two days ago you hardly knew if the room you were in was empty or stacked with people, and now you want to go on a mission?"

"I don't want to, Babe," he started.

"You could have declined couldn't you? But you didn't. Obviously you must want to". He sighed and threaded his fingers through his hair. He was getting frustrated.

"It's not that easy, Babe. Besides, when I'm done with this then I'm free. This is the last mission".

I made a dismissive sound. "I find it hard to believe the government would just release you. Unless this mission is so dangerous that _if_ you by a magnificent wonder did survive it, the very last thing they could do is let you go free. Or you'd be so fucked up you wouldn't be of any use to them." Ranger met my eyes, but soon looked away, as if he couldn't bear to look at me anymore.

"Oh my god," I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands, eyes bulging out of my head. I could feel panic rising inside me and I felt like was about to implode from the terror that was raging inside me. "Oh my god," I repeated, unable to come up with any other words. I took a couple steps backwards.

Ranger started walking towards me. "Babe, I know it sounds scary, but they wouldn't have asked me if they didn't think that I'd make it out alive. I'm the best Babe, and they need me". My was heart pounding against my chest, tears stung my eyes and my legs wobbled. I thought I was going to pass out, but his words stopped the panic and I could feel anger welling up inside me. Thank God, I handled rage much better than despair.

"Yes, normally you are. Normally you're the best. Normally you're freaking Batman, but for two weeks you have been walking around like a shadow of yourself, not knowing shit about what goes on around you. You might have recovered a little, but not nearly good enough to go into a highly dangerous mission and expect to be at your best. It's just plain crazy, Ranger, and suicidal. You can't do it," I said with a raised voice. I couldn't believe the guys allowed this.

"I have already agreed. I'm flying out tonight".

"What?!" All air left me, and I was unable to move. I could feel myself tearing apart inside, and I was unable to stop it. Somehow Ranger had gotten to my side, and he was holding me.

"Breath Steph, breath". I took big gulps of air; I swooned a little and was thankful for his arms encircling me, stopping me from staggering. "You can't," I whispered over and over and shook my head. "You just can't". Ranger didn't say anything; instead he kissed my temple and squeezed my arms, telling what he wasn't able to say out loud, because he couldn't guarantee anything. He kissed my neck, saying everything would be ok, but not saying it out loud. He trailed his hands up my arms, then down again, silently saying he would always be there for me, but not promising he could be there in the flesh. "Do the guys know this? Do they know what crazy suicide mission you're heading out on?" I felt him nod behind me. "Are they coming with you?"

"They're heading out a couple days after me". I wanted to yell. I wanted to enter rhino mood. I wanted to make him understand that he couldn't do this. I wanted to thwack the guys for allowing this. Why hadn't anybody talked him out of this? Then it hit me.

"This was what you talked about with your father, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was". I wrestled myself out of his arms and turned to face him. "And he told you not to go, didn't he?"

Ranger was looking to his side with his hands slumped down on each side of him. "Babe, please," he said. "Don't do this".

"God, Ranger. Why can't you understand? You're heading out on a super dangerous mission. For that you have to be at the top of your game, and you're not. You're not at your best. You're not semi-well. You're not even OK. You just buried your mother and the government should understand that; they are far off the edge by just asking you to do this. You call them up right away and tell them you're not coming," I was standing hands on hips and I was giving him my evil Burg-glare. I was lurking on the edge of desperate and so I was pulling out the big guns. It had always worked for Mrs. Morelli. It was a known fact around the Burg that if Mrs. Morelli ever turned her glare at you, your secrets were lost. She could convince Frodo to give her the ring, if she wanted to. Although that was very unlikely seeing as how Frodo has disposed himself of the ring, and then the fact that he is fiction. But you get my point. Now I'm not saying I'm Mrs. Morelli, but I was woman on the edge, using whichever device I had handy. Unfortunately tears had started streaming down my face, and ruined a lot of the effect.

"Babe". He took a few steps towards me. He didn't say anything more. He was pleading me with his eyes, begging me to not make it harder.

"Fine, I understand that you won't change your plans based on a nagging woman's opinion, and I can even slightly understand that you bypass your friends' words, but when even your father tells you to drop the mission? Considering the state you're in, his word should be the one that you ought to listen to. I mean geez, the man is more or less talking from experience. I just don't understand why you are so hell bent on getting killed," I was shouting now, not able to contain my fear. I imagined I looked like a freight train, red, blotched eyes and hair all over the place from pulling it in frustration.

"I'm offered freedom, Babe. I don't want to die," he was taking slow steps towards me as he spoke. "I'm not leaving on this mission because I'm so heartbroken. I'm not leaving on this mission because I want to get killed. I'm not leaving on this mission so that I can endure some physical pain, to release the pain from my mothers' death. I'm leaving on this mission, because when I come back I'll be free. I don't want to waste any more time on government. I don't want my life, my time to be borrowed. I don't want to keep my life on hold, because one day I might get a call saying that I have to leave on a mission. I want my freedom, and they are offering it. If I don't take this chance…" he paused and looked into my eyes. "I've wasted enough time with you. I want someday, Babe. I will make it through this mission, and when I come back I want you". I was flat out crying now, crying because he wanted me, crying because he was leaving me, crying because I knew I couldn't change his mind. I was crying because it all seemed so hopeless.

Ranger picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He stroked my back and held me close as tears of despair rolled down my cheeks. Finally my sobbing subsided and I was able to take a deep breath. I didn't know what to do with myself after that, so I took another deep breath. I felt numb all over and even though I had managed to calm down, my fright was still raging inside me. I felt a need to talk, but I didn't know what to say. I turned slightly towards Ranger and opened my mouth, but I could feel the sadness clogging my throat. I took another deep breath in an attempt to calm myself, before turning back to Ranger.

"Shhhh. You don't have to say anything more." He tucked a curl behind my ear and kissed my mouth gently. Thoughts of losing him were racing through my head and I got a desperate need to feel him, and moved in to deepen the kiss. He pressed me up against his body and let his hands roam mine, feeling every curve. All my clothes were soon gone, as well as his.

"You're beautiful," he said softly as he hovered above me. The clog in my throat was back and I gave him a teary smile as I lifted my hand and stroke his cheek. He turned his face towards my open palm and placed a soft kiss there before bending forward; burying his face in the nape of my neck as he slowly let himself enter me.

*

A little while later we were lying in bed, soaking in the feel of each other, savouring the moments we had left together. There was a soft knock on the door and a deep voice carried through.

"We will be landing shortly".

Ranger kissed my neck and gave a little squeeze before rolling out of bed. I studied him as he got dressed.

"Will you be able to follow me home?" He was quiet for some time before he answered me.

"No. I'm sorry; I'll be leaving from the airport seconds after we land".

"Will you be able to call me? Or contact me in anyway?" Fully dressed he walked over to my side of the bed and sat down.

"No," he replied with a soft voice. "I will only be able to make a check in call to Tank once a month. Other than that I'm not able to contact anyone". I nodded. I hadn't expected that he would be able to call me, but I had been hoping. I rolled away from him and got out of bed. Minutes later I was dressed and out in the lounge with the rest of guys, stiffly seated next to Ranger in one of the loveseats, having difficulties deciding on what to pray for, Ranger coming back alright or the plane landing safely.

It was as if someone had pressed the forward button, because all too soon I was standing at Rangers gate, saying good bye.

"Thank you for coming to Miami with me, it means a lot to me that you were there and helped me through that difficult time of my life". I wanted to tell him that he wasn't through this difficult time of his life, but I knew it would not change anything and there for decided on shutting up and not destroying what could possibly be the last time I saw him. No. I couldn't think like that. That would just destroy me. I had to stay positive and believe in him. Believe that he would come back to me.

"I will always be here for you Ranger, whenever you need me". He gave me a small smile and it was all I need to fling myself on him and hold on for life. "Don't you dare die on me, Ranger. I love you too much, I need you to survive."

"I love you too," he said and pushed me back enough so he could kiss my lips. A voice carried through the speakers announcing last boarding call. "I'll see you later, Babe," he said before giving me one last kiss and then disappearing through the gate. I stood and watched the plane until I couldn't see it anymore. I could feel the pain and sorrow building up again. I didn't want any of the guys to see how much this troubled me. I didn't want them to see me as a weak and scared little woman, so when I felt the first pricks of tears in my eyes, I turned away from the gate and headed out of the airport. The guys caught up with me right away, but I guess they sensed what state I was in, since they made no attempt to talk to me on the entire ride from the airport to my apartment.

"Thanks for the ride," I said as I moved to exit the car. Lester undid his belt and started getting out of the car as well, but stopped midways. "You don't have to follow me up. I only have one duffel bag and I'm able to carry it myself".

"Steph..." he started.

"I know you mean well Les, but I really don't feel like having company right now. I need some time alone". All men looked at me sceptically. "I'm fine guys, I just need to sort out my thoughts, and it's easier to do when alone".

They shared a worried looked, but finally Bobby nodded. "Okay, Steph. I'll call you tomorrow to check up on you".

I was too exhausted both mentally and physically to start arguing with him, so I gave them all a small nod before I turned my back on them and headed up the stairs. In the safety of my apartment I slid to the floor and stared into space. I was sitting in the foyer with my back against the door, and the apartment was dark, but I couldn't bring myself to walk further inside, nor turn on the lights. I didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to cry my heart out, but the tears wouldn't come. So I stayed there, staring at a black spot in the other end of the hall. Waiting for someone to come tell me it was all just a bad dream.

*

**Hey, guys. I'm so sorry for the late update. ****This was a difficult chapter for me to write, I don't know how many times I rewrote it. I would like to go over the ending a couple more times, but I figured that it was time to post the chapter. I've made you wait far too long. **

**I plan on finishing my story, not yet because the story is far from over, but one day. I'm saying this so that you who follow this story won't end up thinking that this is just another one of those stories where the author stops writing after the 6****th**** chapter. So even if my updates are slow from time to time, I promise that I have every intention of finishing this story.**

**I want to thank each and every one of you who have reviewed this story, and who has added it to his/hers favorites and has me or my story on alert. That really gives me the motivation to carry on. So p****lease continue to review. I'm very excited with this chapter, I'm not sure if I managed to write it well, so I hope you will take the time to review this one as well.**

**So please review guys! And stay tuned ;) **


	7. Here With Me 1

_Thank you for all of your reviews. It's a delight to read through them and to know that my story is appreciated. _

**WARNING: violence and language. **

**

* * *

  
**

**September When**

_I don't want to call my friends  
for they might wake me from this dream  
and I can't leave this bed  
risk forgetting all that's been_

_And I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breath  
until you're resting here with me_

No one did though. I sat there for hours, waiting for myself to wake up. It was so hard to accept that life had taken this turn. It seemed unreal. And yet, I had known all along that it was perfectly common. That Ranger probably got called away on missions all the time. No, not probably. Certainly. I knew it very well. So why was I making such a fuss about it? Slowly I was making my way to reality. It was no longer a dream, nor had it ever been. It was not a hallucination. It was not unreal. It was the harsh, unwelcomed truth. It was common.

I still didn't move. When I later felt the sunlight fry my closed eyelids, I realized that I at some point during the night had fallen asleep at my spot by the door. I slowly got up and shuffled to bed. I let myself fall into it, arms spread, face up. I felt exhausted, like I had run 10 miles with ball and chains around my feet. I fell asleep instantly.

This time it wasn't a blank sleep. You know the one where your body and mind is so exhausted that it's not even able to conjure up a dream. My mind was full of energy, and the dreams it had in store for me was horrifying. My dream was a mixture of flashes and slow motion. Sometimes things went super fast, and sometimes thing went so slow that every detail burned, and left a scorch mark on my mind. I don't remember dreaming much about people, except for in the end. It was a lot of darkness, a lot of explosions and a lot of blood. And in the end there was a meadow. A beautiful meadow, and on the other side of where I stood, there was a brook. It was all so wonderful, a relief from the all the gruesomeness, until I started walking into the meadow, and stumbled over a body. This was the slow motion part of the dream. I turned my head slowly, to see what had caused me to fall. I looked into the dead eye belonging to Ranger. Half his face had been blown away, and blood was eating up the other half, and I screamed.

I screamed and jerked up. My bedroom was lit and empty. I judged it to be the middle of the day, but I wasn't sure. I was drenched in sweat and I was breathing rapidly. My mind slowly caught up with me, realizing that it hadn't been real. I closed my eyes and breathed. Trying to shut out the voice in the back of my head, saying it very well could be. Real, that is. How was I supposed to know?

I was desperately trying to reason with myself when the phone rang. I didn't feel like talking to anyone at this moment, but the ringing was a welcomed interruption from the nagging voice in my head, telling me to freak out. Finally I decided and gingerly got out of bed to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Steph," Bobby's voice carried through. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, I guess". Actually I wasn't quite sure yet. I hadn't reached a conclusion on that matter yet. Silence stretched out.

"Are you planning going to the office today?" His voice was cautious and evaluating. I don't thinkI'd sounded very convincing.

"No. I'm still a little exhausted from the trip and everything that has happened. I think I'm going to relax today".

"Right. Well, I just wanted to call and check up on you. Lester tells me to tell you that he would like to come over later tonight with movie and pizza, if you're up for it". It was probably just to be nice, but it felt like a test. If I was OK, and I really did just want to relax, then movie and a pizza would be perfect. I wasn't the kind of person that liked walking around in my apartment all day without anything to do. The guys knew me well enough to know that if declined on this offer, something was wrong.

"Sure, that sounds great," I said in my most excited voice.

"Talk to you later Steph," he said, ending the conversation.

"You too. And Bobby?"

"Yes?" he asked.

"Thanks for checking up on me," I said in a soft voice.

"No problem Steph," and the line went dead.

* * *

The day went by in a blur. I have no idea what I did all day. I was wrapped up in my mind. I was fighting hard not to freak out. I could feel myself being on an edge, but I think I was slowly backing away from it, taking baby steps back to reason and sanity. There was a part of me that was well aware of the fact that this was Rangers job, and even though Ranger had never before told me that he was going on a mission, I had always, on some level known just what "in the wind" really meant. And I had not felt like this those times. I hadn't spent all day in bed before, just because Ranger was on an assignment.

I figured it had something to do with the way we had opened up to each other in Miami, and the confessions of love. But I had loved Ranger all along, and it wasn't as if my love was fiercer now that it had been voiced out loud. But it was reality now, I couldn't hide from it. I couldn't creep into a shell and tell myself that we were just friends, and we only cared for each other in a friendly way. There was also a difference between knowing that he went on missions, and actually experience it and have it confirmed. Reality was hitting me straight in the face, and it was a hard blow.

Then there was also the fact that Ranger was out of shape, to put it mildly. I had spent two weeks watching Ranger close more and more up, shutting out everything going on around him. He had stopped being the mercenary Ranger and changed into the grieving son. The grieving son had no business in third world countries playing Rambo. This was a very, very dangerous mission and Ranger was amputated. Not a good combination. As a matter of fact it was a fatal combination. I shuddered at the thought of it. This was where my nightmares originated.

The clock was 9 pm when there was a knock on the door. From the aroma that sifted into my apartment, I knew it was Lester. I unlocked the door and let him in.

"Hi," I said in greeting. It wasn't a happy or a cheerful hi, and Lester noticed right away. He stood in my doorway assessing me before he finally answered.

"Hi". I lifted my hand and gestured towards the living room. I didn't feel like being awkward in the hallway.

"What movies did you bring?" I asked, trying to distract him from my flop of a greeting. He sat down the pizza boxes and started introducing the movies. I must admit I did not pay attention. I tried to, but my mind was filled to the brink and there just wasn't room for his movies.

"So which one do you want to see?" he asked looking at me expectantly. Crap.

"Which ever you want to see is good for me," I said with a pasted smile. He gave me a look. "OK, OK. The second one then."

"Good choice," he said grinning and hopped to start the movie. Then he worked to find a good sitting spot before attacking the pizza and the beer. I watched him bemused and felt gratitude over the fact that he was here, distracting me. Sometimes just watching Lester was enough.

I didn't eat much, nor did I drink. I have no idea what the movie was about. All I saw was a lot of colors flashing on my TV-screen.

"You're not fine". His voice startled me. The movie was over. Not in the "the credits are rolling"- way, but in the way were the credits finished ages ago and the main menu of the DVD is going on repeat. Lester had even muted the TV, and I hadn't noticed. I warily met his gaze. I needed to be more aware of my surroundings. I felt a stab in my chest as I thought it. That reminded me too much of a certain someone.

"No, I'm not," I sighed. The game was up. We sat in silence. I was staring at my hands, letting my thoughts run freely. I didn't know what to say to Lester.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Did I? I wasn't sure. A lot of stuff was floating around in my head, and I wasn't sure if I wanted someone else to hear it. But on the other hand, maybe saying it out loud would help me sort out and give me the boost I needed to get through this.

"It's not the first time he's done this," Lester started when I didn't say anything. "I know that it is hard on those who are left behind, but Ranger knows what he's doing. He is the best". I glanced up at Lester. His voice was steady and calm, but his face slightly grimaced. It seemed like he was trying to convince himself just as well as me. "The guys and I are flying down tomorrow and then we start the mission. So far Ranger has gotten information and location. It will be OK, Steph".

He was looking at me now, and he seemed more determined. As if during the last second he had decided that everything would work out, that there was nothing to worry about, just another mission. I felt a little bit of hope swell up as I looked at him. I gave a small nod, trying to absorb his faith by agreeing with him.

"Yeah, I know, a little, at least. I'm getting there. I will get there. I have spent all day thinking through this situation, and I'm allowed to that, right? It doesn't make me weak or fragile. I've known for a long time that Ranger does mission and stuff, but I'm still allowed to take a day off and get accustomed to the situation, right?" My voice wavered at the end and I glanced at Lester.

This was one of those things I had worried the most about today. Of course I was terrified that Ranger may not come back to me, but I had figured that I had to hope. If I didn't have faith in his return, I would lose my mind. If I didn't close that door and throw away the key, I would fall into a deep, black hole and I would keep falling until I hit rock bottom. I couldn't let that happen. I had to stay strong, and therefore I had to believe that Ranger would survive and come back.

What unnerved me a little was the fact that I had been so very close to walk through that door. The door had been wide open and a voice had been calling out all the worst case scenarios and all the reasons why Ranger was doomed for death. I needed to know that I was entitled to have doubt and to be afraid. I needed to know that it didn't make me weak to be scared. After making the decision to believe in Ranger, I needed to believe that I could get through this.

Lester scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"This isn't easy Steph. It's tough, difficult and scary. People deal differently. Some people just push through it, takes it all day by day and second by second. Some go to therapy, some crashes and nearly stop functioning and others go into denial. Honestly I thought that was what you would do. It doesn't seem like it though. In my opinion you're doing the healthiest thing. You're pausing and allowing yourself to breath. You're sorting through your emotions and letting yourself coming to terms with this new situation that you're thrown into. It's good Steph. You're being strong".

I nodded again. That seemed to make sense. Maybe I could do this.

There was so much I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to get off my chest, but the words got caught in my throat. But then again, maybe all my doubts and questions were pointless now. If I took Lester's words to heart, then all I had to do was let my thoughts and emotions run freely, let myself feel what I feel and think what I did, as long as I was standing on solid ground it was OK. And now I figured I did. With the help of Lester I had locked the door to damnation. What was left for me to do now was throw away the key and walk away. I could do that.

"You're right," I said. "Thank you so much Lester".

"No problemo, Bomber. It's what I'm here for," he tightened his hold on me and kissed the top of my head. "I need to get going. We head out at 0400 hours, and I need to catch some sleep".

He got off the couch and started clearing up a bit.

"Leave it. I'll get it". I caught his hand and moved in to hug him. "Be careful, OK?"

"I'll do my very best". He grabbed my upper arms and held me at arm's length looking into my eyes. "If you have any trouble, any at all, you call RangeMan, got it? I don't want to come back and find that you were too stubborn to call for help".

"I promise. Cross my heart". I raised one hand and made a cross over my heart. Lester smirked.

"Smartass," he said and flicked my nose before wrapping his arms around me.

"Make sure you all come back safely," I whispered into his neck. He didn't answer me. Instead he stroked my back and kissed my cheek. Then he was out my door.

* * *

I woke up screaming, sweating. I was disoriented and terrified. Slowly the room came into focus and I realized I had dreamed, again. It wasn't only Ranger in my dreams, lying molested and bloody in a ditch. My dreams now involved Lester, Tank and Bobby. I pushed hair out of my face and took deep, calm breaths. I did not expect this.

Maybe I was being naïve, but I had figured after my talk with Lester last night, I would have reasoned myself out of the nightmares. I thought that I had come to terms with it enough so I could function normally and sleep well. I didn't want to have nightmares. Didn't my say count anything at all? Was my sub consciousness overruling my will? I wiped away the tears that had trickled down my cheek and got out of bed.

It was 7 AM, and I could not see how I could get anymore sleep. I guess I was due to start the day.

I shuffled to the bathroom, working on pushing the stupid nightmares to the back of my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like a freight train. Dark bags were forming under my eyes and my skin looked pale. Two nights of interrupted sleep and I already look like Frankenstein's bride. Imagine how I would look in a week. I shuddered.

I climbed out of my t-shirt and panties and hopped in the shower. Showers always had positive effects. The water would wash away the nightmares, the disturbing images that were burning my mind, and the nagging thoughts that were threatening to ruin my day. A shower would set me straight again.

I got out of the shower and went to the bedroom to get dressed. I picked out some comfy oversized sweatpants and a stretchy top. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and headed for the kitchen to make coffee.

Rex was already up and spinning on his wheel.

"Good morning?" I asked and dropped a grape in his cage. Rex ignored me. Rex was not going to play my game. I sighed got the coffee machine working. As I stood waiting for my wake-up call I pondered what the events of the day should be.

I didn't feel like stopping by my parents, or the office. I wasn't in the mood to socialize, but I needed something to do. I needed to get my mind off, well my mind really. I need something to occupy me so I didn't think. My eyes swept over my apartment. My very dirty and messy apartment. I hadn't cleaned properly in ages. Sometimes I swept a mop over the floors, but really I was just pushing the dust bunnies under the couch. I hated cleaning. It was god awful.

I smiled to myself. I really hated cleaning. I poured myself a cup of coffee. Today I would clean.

That ought to keep my mind off things.

* * *

I held on to the railing of the elevator as I waited for it to bring me to my floor. I was absolutely exhausted. I had difficulties standing up, my breath was short and rapid and I was drowning in my own sweat. I was afraid I was going to collapse in the elevator. Finally the doors slide open and I slowly put one shaky foot in front of the other, making my way to my apartment door.

Once inside I fell to the floor. My legs couldn't carry me for another second. I lay there for a while, feeling my body. I wasn't a very big fan of jogging either, but it was a great way of letting out steam and shut down my brain. I hadn't really tried to wear myself out so completely, but at least now I would be too exhausted to have any nightmares. I hope.

Slowly my breath was coming back to regular. I wiggled a finger, testing if I would be able to move myself at all. I figured it was time to get in the shower when the sweat trickled into my eyes and stung them.

I got halfway up and crawled into the shower. The water cascaded down on me and I leaned my head back, enjoying the feel of the water spray beating my sore muscles. Eventually I made it out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my body and lingeringly made my way out to the bedroom. Once I was close enough to the bed I fell in it, totally and utterly exhausted.

Ha, I thought as a last coherent thought, eat shit bad dreams.

* * *

I was coming to the end of day three after Ranger left, and I was coming to the conclusion that I might be delusional. At day I was walking around acting fine and my mind was not touching the subjects of any missions of any kinds, and it was good. Yesterday morning I had been thinking maybe I should go to work tomorrow. When tomorrow came I was too exhausted to do anything. I had been walking around as the living dead today.

I think I might have slipped into denial without knowing it.

You see, I was having nightmares. Horrible nightmares. Nightmares that made it difficult for me to breath. Nightmares that had me wake up in utter terror and spending minutes on comprehending the fact that it was just a nightmare.

And here I was at nine o'clock in the evening, and afraid of going to sleep. As you might have guesses, this was my clue to thinking maybe something was wrong. I was standing in the middle of the bedroom musing over the fright of my own bed when there was a knock on the door.

I went into the hallway and gradually made my way over the door. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I was being careful. There was another knock and I figured I had been careful enough, so I went to open it.

"Joe," I gasped.

Morelli was standing on the other side of my door, holding a small bouquet of flowers and looking sheepish.

"Hi, Steph".

"What are you doing here?" I carefully brought the door a little more shut, unsure of the situation that suddenly had appeared.

"I saw you jogging the other day. I figured I'd come over and talk".

"I don't think we have much left to talk about Joe," I said and moved to close the door. I could feel the anger building up in me. He had some nerve. He saw my movement to shut the door and quickly placed his foot in the doorway.

"Cupcake, please. I know I've been an ass, just please give me a chance to explain and apologies". His voice was low and remorseful and it made me halt. I had expected him to respond as he always does; the lack of fury was shocking. Joe took advantage of my hesitation and pushed the door a little more open.

"I know there's not a lot I can say that can make up for my horrible behavior. I'm having problems dealing with it myself. Just please, Stephanie".

What to do? I was mad at him. I wanted to go into rhino mood, I sure had enough pent up emotions to blow a casket, but Joe was withholding the fuel. I stood halfway hidden behind the door, palms up against it, ready to push it shut as soon as he moved his foot. But when he finally did, I found myself backing away from the door instead, allowing Joe to enter.

My gaze met his for a fraction of a second before I huffed and turned my back on him, stalking into the living room.

"Fine. Get it out," I said.

Joe was standing in the middle of my living room, looking like a lost child. This was new. I had no idea what he was up to. He was acting completely out of character. Slowly he turned his head and looked towards the kitchen, remaining silent.

"Joe?" I finally asked. I was starting to get a little worried.

"I'm so sorry". He turned his head again and met my eyes. His voice was barely audible, his eyes red brimmed. "Was it… Did… I," he stuttered. With a big sigh he finally asked "How bad was it?"

"A little rift".

He stood silent with his eyes on the floor. His posture was tense and his knuckles were turning white. "Can I see it?" he whispered.

"My back?"

He gave a curt nod; gaze still locked on the floor. My anger had been put on hold. I was too curious to see where this was heading to keep holding on to it. I had never before experienced this side of Joe. I lifted myself of the couch and stood in front of him with my back to him. Then I raised the back of my shirt. I heard a sharp intake of breath followed by heavy breathing. A finger slowly traced the length of the rift. It had healed quite nicely but it was still vaguely pink.

"This isn't a little rift, Steph".

He let his finger gently stroke my back, and then his lips softly touched the area between my shoulder blades. I let go of the shirt and stepped away from him.

"That doesn't matter Joe, and I'm sorry but it doesn't change anything between us".

"Meaning what?" he asked, finally meeting my eyes.

"It means we're not going back together. It's over between us. I love you, but like a friend. I hope you can accept that".

"Is this because of what happened? Because that was an accident. You know I wouldn't hurt you like that on purpose". He took a step forward and reached for me. "I'm so sorry, Cupcake. It won't happen again".

"No, Joe". I stepped away from him. "It's because the love I have for you is not enough to build a life together. I can't stay with you Joe, it's not fair".

"Cupcake…"

"Stop, Joe, please". He searched my eyes for a long minute. I could see his eyes flare for a small second, before he looked away.

"This place look like shit," he said as he took in the room. His eyes settled on me again, but this time he let his gaze run over all of me. "You don't look to good yourself either. Are you sick?"

I shook my head.

"Then what's going on?"

"It's nothing. You wouldn't want to know," I said and started shuffling together some of the mess on the coffee table.

"Come on, Steph. I get that you don't want to be with me, although I wish it wasn't so. But I want to stay in your life; I care a lot about you. Don't shut me out. Let me at least be your friend".

"You won't like it. It's Ranger related," I warned. I could hear his sigh, although it was clear that I wasn't meant to. He plastered a fake smile on his face and looked at me reassuringly.

"I can handle it". I rolled my eyes at him, but figured I should give him a shot. I settled down on the couch.

"Okay, here it goes…"

And so I told him. I told him how Ranger had lost his mother. I told him how withdrawn he had become. How he was called on a mission. How scared I was. How I couldn't sleep. I told him about my nightmares. I told him because he was Joe, and he had always been there, and I loved him. We had our differences, we made mistakes. We had done and said our share of things that should be labeled unforgiveable, but we always managed to sort it out. I told him because he was one of my dearest friends, and I trusted him.

But I should have been smarter. I should have been more sensitive. I should have been more foreseeing. I should have noticed. I should have noticed the tenseness in his body, his fisted hands, his labored breathing, his shooting glare. Most of all I should have noticed the vein popping out of his forehead.

But I didn't.

"Are you serious?" he asked in a barely controlled voice. I lifted my head and looked at him.

"What?"

"Is this seriously happening?" his voice was strained and colored by disbelief and insult. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to him. I was baring my inner thoughts, leaving myself vulnerable, and he was putting on a rather hostile appearance.

"He really has you fooled doesn't he," Joe said as he shook his head. Then he snorted a laugh. "I figured that when you came back you would want to break things off, but we always do that, so I had no worries. We would get back together within a month. I did not expect you to practically fall in love with _him_ and then come talking to me about like I'm your girlfriend. Seriously, Stephanie? Are you really that stupid? I can see how you can fall for that ridicules bullshit that he makes up to get you into bed, you always been attracted to him and he knows how to manipulate a woman. But I honestly thought you had more brains than this".

"Joe please, I'm not up for this right now. I don't need you to lecture me; I'm handling enough as it is".

Maybe he was right. I was probably pushing it by confiding so totally in him, but I had warned him. I told him it was Ranger related, and he said he could handle it. If he now found he couldn't, for the moment I declared it his problem. I had enough.

"I'm sure you do. Do you know what mission he's on? Do you know the risk he's taking by accepting it?" Morelli was on his feet and gesturing with his hands as he spoke. He was back in character. That was until he turned around to face me. His mouth was set in a twisted smile and his eyes were gleaming. I felt a cold icy hand grip my heart and the air leave my lungs. I found myself wondering who the man standing in my living room was, and what had he done with Joe?

"Because I know, Steph. I know exactly what mission he's on, and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what his assignment consists of. And let me tell you, he's not coming back. He's probably dead already. I wouldn't be surprised if his band of thugs was blown to smithereens as well". And then he laughed.

"Joe…" I started with a soothing voice and getting up from the couch, trying not show him how much he scared me, but at the same time trying to put some distance between us.

"Shut it Stephanie," he shouted and then out of nowhere his hand hit my face with such a blast that I lost my balance and fell to the floor.

"I'm so sick of this, Steph. I'm so god damn sick of this. I've had enough. I'm tired of this bullshit relationship we have, all this back and forth. It's driving me nuts". His foot lashed out and hit me in the stomach.

"And it's bad enough that I have walked around with my girlfriend rolling in garbage and kissing mercenaries in allies, but now I'm supposed to sit here and listen to your psychotic love babble?" He grabbed hold of my shirt and yanked me up.

"I'm done with it, Steph. I figured I'd forgive you for the crap you pulled with your Miami trip. I figured that after a good talk and a real lesson you'd finally come to your senses and settle down and marry me, like you should. But you're a worthless piece of woman now. I had more belief in you than to ever consider you would let him play you like this. I'm not interested in used goods, _Cupcake_".

He sneered at me before he shot his knee into my stomach. His fist connected with my face one more time and my head snapped back. I heard a crack, which I guess was the sound of my nose breaking. I was dazed and in pain, and wasn't able to sum myself before his fist shot my head back again. He let go of my shirt and let me fall to the floor, then he lunged his foot into my stomach numerous times.

Suddenly he stopped. I opened my right eye as best I could; it was already swelling, and tried to figure out what was going to happen next. I couldn't see much except his feet. He stood still for a long moment and slowly backed away. When he was halfway across the living room he turned and practically ran out of the apartment. The bang from the door being shut probably shook the whole building, but I barely sensed it. The darkness was closing in on me and soon darkness was all I could see.

* * *

**A/N**

_My fateful readers thank you so much for all the reviews!_

_I haven't done a good job at all on responding to them, and I'm so sorry for that. Do not think that I don't appreciate your reviews. As a matter of fact, that is what keeps this story going. _

_I have to apologies for the long breaks between each chapter; know that I don't plan for it to take so long. I really hope you all will bear with me and stay tuned until I finish this story. And I will. I promise you that. _

_I'm not all that confident about this chapter; the end could most likely have been written better. I'm so psyched to post this chapter, that I don't have the patience to wait more days, so that I can read through it a million times and rewrite half of it. _

_I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, and please review! Let me know what you think. I can't tell you how much it means for me, and how much it motivates my writing. _

_Next chapter is on the way =)_


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